See A Cue? Catch A Poo!

EC Journey End

2009-10-15T13:41:00.004+11:00

It's been a while since we checked in here! Our daughter is only four months shy of 2 years now! ECing has been few and far between. She took to protesting strongly at the use of the potty, so we stopped offering the potty and have been using cloth nappies full time.

We keep the potty around and offer it to her at nappy changes or when she points to her nappy or says "poo" (she is fascinated with her poo, by the way), but a lot of the time she just wants to have a chat about nappies and poo rather than actually needing to do any or be changed LOL.

So we had approximately 6 months of full time EC success, another 6 of part-time EC and since around her first birthday we've been full-time nappy users :) I don't consider this unsuccessful or a waste of time. I think the insights I gained from our EC journey will help us when the time comes to re-learn how to use the potty and the toilet. We intend to EC the next child, whenever that may be and will resume blogging here when the time comes, but until then it's farewell from us.

The blog will stay here for all to read and hopefully it offers other families some insight into EC and the links provided will be of use :)

Peace, love & poo catching to all *waves goodbye*

Elimination Communication With A 1 Year Old

2009-02-26T20:22:00.004+11:00

I've been neglecting this blog because there really hasn't been much to report. We're plodding along, content with part-time ECing. We catch almost every poo, and the older she gets the more obvious her poo signals become. We catch all her wee's after she has had a sleep and most of the one's after she's had a feed. Her wee signaling never really returned after she learned to crawl, so we've stuck to the timing catches and little more.

Recently she has decided she prefers not to use the potty and prefers to be held, the way we used to do it when she was a wee baby (no pun intended lol). She really loves having a mirror in front of herself when she's ECing so that she can see our faces too. She finds it much easier to relax when we're smiling at her through a mirror, and also it provides enough distraction so she doesn't get bored. It is a bit of a struggle to kepe her sitting on the potty during her business when she is so on-the-go and interested in the world around her, she doesn't want to sit still when there is so much to do.

We've had a couple more milestone funny moments. Now that she can stand she has done a couple of standing up poos, one when we weren't ready lol. I also had the pleasure of stepping in a number 2 miss the other day, ewwwww.

We will continue with our part-time ECing until she eases into toilet use over the next couple of years. If we get back to our successful cue reading we had in the early days that will be great, but we really don't mind if things stay as they are.

The important thing to us is that the communication remains open and she still has some awareness of her elimination instincts, which has been consistent since she was a newborn. She is familiar with the sensation of eliminating on the potty and other forms of eliminating outside of her pants, so the toilet will never be a terribly new concept to her. Since we've achieved those two things we class ours as an EC success story.

(photo: Mum & Bub ECing shortly after Bub's 1st birthday party).

Offer The Potty

2008-11-26T12:18:00.000+11:00

I need a self-reminder! So here goes:

If she pulls off the breast but I know her to be hungry or tired and still wanting to suckle, offer the potty, not the other breast.

If she tries to pull off her nappy, looks down at her nappy thoughtfully or is just generally playing with her nappy, offer her the potty.

If we are lying down to feed and she gets onto her hands and knees and begins to sleepily crawl/stumble away offer the potty.

If she is "winging" for "no reason" offer the potty.

If she is suddenly gets herself onto her hands and knees (or hands and one knee), stops, and is silent/concentrating offer the potty QUICKLY!

I think we might be back in the EC game, I think her new post-becoming-mobile cues are becoming clear to me.

Online EC Support & Info

2008-11-06T22:06:00.002+11:00

A friend asked me if I knew of any online forums devoted to elimination communication. I did not. So I googled on her behalf and found the following resources:

OzNappyfree

"This group is to provide a predominantly Australian and New Zealand source of information, contact and support about natural infant elimination methods (elimination communication, natural infant hygiene etc) for parents raising their babies in this way and those who wish to learn more about it."

Elimination Communication List
International email list run by yahoo about elimination communication and gentle parenting more generally.

Natural Infant Hygiene Group
"This group is for those parents and prospective parents interested in a diaperless lifestyle for their baby. Natural Infant Hygiene, also known as Infant Potty Training and Elimination Communication (EC) is the practice of tuning into and responding to your baby's elimination cues in a timely and compassionate way. It is the primary way of tending to the elimination needs of infants in many (if not most) non-western cultures...This group is for parents who want to exchange ideas, ask questions and provide support with other parents practicing Natural Infant Hygiene. Both those new to the concept and veterans of it are most welcome. The only rule is to stick to the topic of Natural Infant Hygiene, and to be respectful of one another."

Infant Potty Training for Late Starters
"'Late Starters' assumes your child is older that 6 months and even likely older than one year (in which case the above is even more important and should be given some thought). When starting after 6 months, we tend to have different questions and concerns than parents who start in early infancy." This is another yahoo group.

Some more elimination communication blogs:

Happy Pottying!

Elimination Communication: The Journey

Elimination Communication Journal

Playing Potty

2008-10-30T14:56:00.004+11:00

I’m starting to feel like we are getting somewhere again (I mean since her growth and development spurt which saw to an EC strike). We still can't see any signals before she wees or poos so we are relying on the timing method. I've noticed that the breaks between when she wees or poos when wearing her nappy have become longer. It's like she's holding on for the potty, she definitely prefers not to do it in her nappy if she can help it and it seems like she is developing the ability to do that (our baby is approaching 9 months of age).

To ensure she still eliminates regularly the way that she feels most comfortable we offer her the potty regularly minus her signals. Usually when she is offered the potty she uses it.

She also enjoys playing with her potty if it's nearby. She beats on it like a drum with her hands or a toy - potty's make a good sound apparently. I think allowing her to play with the potty in her own ways is a good thing because it becomes even more a normal part of her life. The playing familiarises her with it. We make sure that it is clean at all times (emptying and washing with detergent after every wee or poo) so that is safe for her to play with.

Another thing we have noticed/had a laugh about is how fascinated she is with her wee. On occasion during nappy free time on her playmat we notice her sitting with her legs apart, looking down and swaying her legs back and forth. Closer inspection reveals that she is swishing wee back and forth with her legs lol. We have always made it to the mat with a wipe before her hands have joined in on the fun....so far....;)

Great Website About EC

2008-10-29T14:37:00.000+11:00

One of the members of Nappy Free Babes on Ravelry sent me a link to this website about elimination communication, it's really terrific for newcomers to EC:

http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/elimination-communication.html

It includes the authors EC journal, info about ECing postitions and ECing on the go, and how to EC an older baby.

A Tuned In Day

2008-10-23T20:30:00.003+11:00

I love days like today. Today I felt really in-tune with my baby. When we got up at 9am she was wet, we moved into the lounge room and I offered her the potty, she did a wee and then I wiped and put a fresh nappy on her. Then we had breakfast, got dressed and headed out for the day at 10am.

Almost all of todays EC catches were based on the timing method. Whenever she woke up from a sleep I would take her to a toilet and she would wee into it. Or if we had been walking for a while (which means her sitting in her sling for a while) I would make a toilet stop for her and catch again. None of todays catches were based on her signals - I am still feeling lost when it comes to signals at the moment. But the really cool thing that happened today was I made an instinctual catch.

I was in a book store and I took bub out of her sling to let her crawl around for a little while, as I took her out I said "I bet you're wet" and felt her nappy and I swear it was wet. So off we went to the toilet, only when we got there I discovered I had totally hallucinated the wet nappy! She was dry as could be. I offered her the toilet and caught another wee. We were both smiling and I wondered what it was that made me think she was wet/needed to go?

From before 10am until 4pm today my baby wore the one clean and dry cloth nappy! Just like underpants.

Bubba Mat - an ECer's Dream

2008-10-18T20:14:00.006+11:00

I've mentioned before that we aren't a nappy free family. We use cloth nappies on our baby like adults use underwear. We do this mainly because we live in house that is heavily carpeted and it's a rental. If it were our own house we wouldn't care so much about misses ending up on the floor (and if it were our house we'd make it EC friendly, ie. carpert free). The combination of using nappies and baby going on strike during her growth spurts means that we've had a lot of misses of late and have struggled to learn any of her emerging elimination signals. To get us back on track we felt like we needed to have some nappy free time.

Then we discovered the Bubba Mat at our city's annual baby expo yesterday. Now most of our loungeroom is covered with this soft brightly coloured mat which bub can roam nappy free and if we have any misses it's not trouble at all to clean.

Not only is it great for nappy free time, the mat offers something soft for bub to fall onto. Now that she's crawling and sitting up she tends to fall over and bump her head on the floor. And when our daughter starts eating she can make as much mess as she likes on the mat.

Just What I Needed To Hear...

2008-10-15T13:55:00.001+11:00

Thank-you to one of the women at Nappy Free Babes on Ravelry for sharing this quote from Diaper Free! by Ingrid Bauer:

“Your baby needs to be in close contact with you, to have your attention and be responded to. But if catching every pee becomes an obsession, you may be missing the point and the sweetness of this practice and the relationship. It’s important to remember that this is just one way of meeting your baby’s needs and not an outcome-based reflection of your parenting. A strong relationship, not a perfect track record, is the goal.

If you recognize yourself in this position, the most helpful thing to do is to take a step back and detach. No matter how hard it seems. Breathe. Try to bring your attention to being present for your baby. Focus on the relationship, not on the outcome. If necessary, take a short break from Elimination Communication. Trust your child in her process. Try to let go of all emotional charge to her actions. Expect that she wants to and is doing her very best. Don’t praise her excessively if she goes, and don’t make her wrong if she doesn’t. Deal with accidents completely calmly and neutrally. Pee your baby if you think she needs to, but immediately respect and signs of a “No.” Try again later, and always respect the “No.”

And, here’s the ultimate and ongoing parenting lesson: Reach for that place deep inside where you can let go of any desire to control your child or what happens. That’s when you can truly be in the moment and respond.”

Beautifully said!

And this reminder could not have come at a better time as we are facing the big developmental stages of teething and crawling, the offset of which is far more misses than when she was younger and more obvious in her communication about elimination.

Crawling & EC: A Diabolical Mix

2008-10-09T16:48:00.005+11:00

On the weekend I was helping our baby poo into her potty, when she finished I looked away for a second to grab a cloth to wipe her bottom with, and when I looked back she had leant foward and got herself off the potty onto her hands and knees. And just like that she (and the pooey bum I was trying to clean) crawled away. Her first crawl!

Since then ECing has been a lot more labour intensive. Baby rarely wants to spend the amount of time it takes to do a poo on her potty. She'd prefer to poo on the go, which is just not on in a house with carpet LOL. I'm finding that it takes a couple of "goes" to EC with number twos now. I sit her on her potty and she does a little bit, then tries to stand up or crawl off the potty when I know there's more to come. So we take a brief break, wipe, get back on the potty.

Despite being able to sit on the potty she still requires support. Sometimes she prefers for me to hold her over the potty. Sometimes she is happy to sit there with me beside or behind her.

I am finding that ECing a crawling baby does require a little more patience than ECing the pre-mobile bub. But we have no intention of stopping, it's just a regular part of our day now. And crawling in itself demands more patience from parents and can be a trial, but I'm not going to try and make her stop for my own convenience. Parenting just don't work like that! :)

PS. For readers who use nappies October 13 - 19 is Reusable Nappy Week!

I learned the following from their facts and figures page:

"Every disposable nappy ever dumped still exists today as they take centuries to break down.
Washing/hanging out/putting away nappies for a bub in cloth full time takes 7 minutes a day - less time than it takes to go to the store and return home with a box of disposable nappies...

1.375 Billion disposable nappies used annually in Australia and New Zealand
3.75 Million disposable nappies dumped every single day in these 2 nations alone!
3 Million trees felled every year to make disposable nappies for Australia / New Zealand.

50% of total household waste will be disposable nappies, in a household with 1 baby using disposable nappies full time.
7 times better for the environment, reusable nappies compared to one use nappies.
2 Tonnes of landfill created by each baby in disposable nappies full time.
1 degree hotter the average temperature of a boy's testicles in a disposable nappy - possibly related to increases in infertility and testicular cancer of the last 25 years."

What's That I see In The Potty?

2008-09-26T18:36:00.002+10:00

But of course! It's a pee.

Monkey See, Monkey EC

2008-09-16T17:08:00.003+10:00

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that we were staying with some friends whose 23 month old son (turning 2 this month!) brought the potty to me when he saw me take my baby's nappy off and was quite fascinated with the whole EC process. Well today I got an email from my friend including photographs of her son ECing one of his dolls :)

Awww.

More Potty Pics

2008-09-09T15:35:00.003+10:00

We've been using the potty for a couple of weeks now and it's going well. She sits on it by herself, and we sit by her ready to grab her when she tries to stand up to get off :)

We're still experiencing quite a few misses on account of her growth spurt but remain calm and happy with the process on the whole.

(Please excuse the up-chuck on her face in the pics, she likes to start off eliminating with a burp a lot of the time LOL).

6 Months Old & Using The Potty

2008-09-01T13:09:00.006+10:00

Our daughter did a wee and a poo in the potty today. Not a big deal given that we have caught plenty of wee and poo of hers in the potty before. The big deal is that today she sat on the potty and did a wee.

Recently I've noticed she's been getting a bit heavy for me to hold patiently and calmly over bowls and sinks for too long. So this week while staying with friends who have two tots, one who uses a potty, we started trying out sitting on the potty.

I lower her onto the potty, still supporting her thighs in my hands, then let her rest her weight on the potty, with my hands gently touching her underneath her thighs, so if she needs help I'm right there. She eliminates, and then starts kicking her legs out and moving as if she wants to stand up. This is her way of letting me know she's done. I lift her back off the potty, wipe, and dress her again.

My friend's 23 month old actually brought the potty to us when he saw me taking off my daughter's nappy. And she pooped with two tots standing by, smiling at her and excitedly observing "baby potty" and "baby weeing, baby pooing".

In other news she cut her first tooth on Saturday! And she has now moved on to trying to crawl (complete with her 23 month old friend cheering "come on!")

The Growth Spurt Strike

2008-08-28T21:36:00.007+10:00

EC has become a part time operation for our family at the moment. Since beginning the teething process our daughter's signals have changed and we have yet to catch-on to her new methods of communication. We are confident that we'll get back on track at some stage, but for now going part-time is what's working for us.

Experiencing a challenging period of communication with EC is sort of a blessing because it makes us look back and appreciate the times in the past that have been easy. I have also heard that it is fairly standard for babies to go on a bit of an EC strike during major stages of development such as getting teeth learning how to walk.

Tribal Baby Org Says:

Teething pain plays havoc with his signalling and level of cooperation.

Bilingual Baby Says:

That really threw me for a loop. I read on the Mothering.com EC forum about how teething can cause misses. As could starting to crawl, learning to walk, learning to talk, and any other developmental stage.

Dr Sarah Buckley Says:

Maia went ‘on strike’, coinciding with teething and beginning to crawl. She stopped signalling clearly and at times actively resisted being "weed." I took it gently, offering opportunities to eliminate when it felt right and not getting upset when, after refusing to go in the laundry tub, she went on the floor. Even on "bad days," though, we still had most poos in a bowl, bucket or the toilet.

Our daughter is teething, has just learned to sit-up independently and appears to be on the verge of learning to crawl. So we understand that it is completely normal for EC to steer off course for a little while. We are still making a couple of catches every day, usually based on the timing method (eg. holding her in position over a catching bowl or bucket when she wakes up, or after some time on one of us in her carrier). But we are having nowhere near the number of catches or good communication that we were having a month or so ago.

Having read the wise words of parents who have EC'd before us (as quoted above) we remain calm and confident about our poo catching future. In the meantime we are enjoying these growth spurts and watching our little baby blossom into a little person.

EC Moments

2008-08-13T21:38:00.003+10:00

At a hotel Daddy EC's bubba girl but doesn't quite get his aim on target and BANG baby poop gets spurted into the complimentary toiletries basket instead of the sink.

Out shopping Mummy misses baby's cues and feels her bub wee into her nappy. Changes her nappy where she is and gets told off by a cleaning woman full of her own importance for not doing it in the change room. Mummy giggles to self about what cleaning lady might have to say if she'd noticed the cues and made a catch in the nearby rubbish bin?

While ECing at home baby girl leans back and reaches up, she flicks Mummy's hair back and forth, mesmorised by it, and makes fascinated baby-talk sounds.

And coming soon: an article about ECing from a father's perspective and an article about ECing when parenting more than one child (my critics think I have too much time on my hands with one baby and I EC to fill the void, so I've asked another mother who EC's to write about it).

Some Folk Read On The Toilet, Others....

2008-07-30T01:03:00.002+10:00

Eat their socks!

Impressed with the multi-tasking? ECing a babe in one hand, photographing it with the other :)

Myths Relating To EC

2008-07-18T01:22:00.006+10:00

Below are some of the more common myths about EC that I have come across. If you can think of any others please comment and I'll add them to the list :)

MYTH 1. It's about training babies to eliminate when it is convenient for parents.
EC does not involve any baby training. It simply nurtures a baby's natural awareness of her urge to eliminate, and encourages her to let her parents know when she feels these urges. For more on this click here.

MYTH 2. Babies don't know when they need to eliminate until they are already doing it.
If you take note of the way a baby moves and the sounds she makes minutes before she soils her nappy, a pattern of behaviour will become clear to you. Quite often when a baby seems frustrated she is actually telling you she feels the urge to eliminate coming on.

MYTH 3. There is not enough time between when a baby lets you know she needs to eliminate and getting her into position over a potty, bowl, toilet, or sink.
There is :) Especially if you have your bub in EC friendly clothing.

MYTH 4. It's messy.
My partner and I were surprised to discover it was far cleaner to EC than use nappies. There is little to no mess to wipe off your baby because it has all dropped below her rather than against her skin. And your potty, bowl, or sink can be quickly rinsed with water, or your toilet flushed, and hey presto you're done. Unexpected baby vomit is worse, and happens more often! :D

MYTH 5. Children who EC struggle to move to toileting independence. This myth really confuses me! If anything EC kids will find the transition to toileting independence easier and quicker than nappy kids because they have not lost the awareness they have about when they need to eliminate. I think this myth comes from people's understanding that EC involves more parent than child training, and thus some people assume that the child doesn't learn anything. In fact the child learns that:

her parents are listening to her and will respond to her communication,
the sensations she is feeling inside of her equal the need to wee or poo,
when she needs to wee and poo just let mum or dad know and they'll help keep me clean and dry,
wee and poo is something you do into an object separate from herself and her clothing,

These are all things non-EC parents need to help their children learn as toddlers when it's time to toilet train. EC children grow up with this knowledge and experience rather than having it introduced to them two, three, or four years later.

MYTH 6. It's time consuming.
Often when people criticise my partner and I for ECing they say "too much time on their hands", "get a life". It really takes little time at all to EC, and if you count nappy buying, cleaning, drying, and disposing of, EC actually takes far less time. It can take time to learn your baby's signals, just as it takes time to learn anything new, but you will probably be surprised by how quickly you get it, and once you do, you'll never look back.

And as far as "getting a life" goes, almost all parents prioritise the well-being of their children in their own lives. They tune into their babies eating and sleeping needs, ever ready to comfort their children when hurt or distressed. Parents who EC are exactly the same, except that they also include tuning in and responding to their children's elimination urges as part of their everyday nurturing.

MYTH 7. It's not EC if you use nappies at all. It is entirely possible to practice EC and have your baby in nappies if you are nervous about getting misses on the floor. It is easier to EC without nappies because you notice the misses immediately, and you learn your baby's cues quicker. But as long as you are watching and listening for your baby's elimination cues, and responding to the cues by holding your baby over a bucket, potty, toilet, sink, bowl, or ground outside, it still counts as EC.

MYTH 8. EC is too hard to bother with if you have more than one child. This myth is based on the assumption that parents who EC have too much time on their hands. It is entirely possible to EC your baby while caring for their older siblings. The friend who introduced me to EC was practicing EC with her baby and caring for a spirited two year old at the same time. I also know of a family with seven children who EC'd their baby and toilet trained the next two youngest children! Older children can be great at understanding and recognising their baby sibling's elimination cues and can be terrific help to EC parents.

Interested in Knitting? Interested in EC?

2008-07-12T17:25:00.003+10:00

Then I've got good news for you! April and I have started a group on Ravelry, the ultimate online network for knitters, for all those who want to knit EC friendly clothes:

And, since I can't really make April my knitting slave, and she is currently my only source of custom made EC friendly clothing, I have taken up the challenge to learn how to knit for myself. So far I have managed to cast on. The knit stitch remains elusive, but I have high hopes for mastering it soon...ish...

EC is NOT Toilet Training!

2008-07-10T23:20:00.003+10:00

"They treat their children like dogs! Training them to poo in response to commands!"
---
"Oh look at your daughter! She's weeing on demand. What a good girl!"
---
"It doesn't seem very natural to me to make your child go to the toilet on cue"

Above are all comments I have heard others make about elimination communication. And each comment is based on a misunderstanding of EC. Elimination communication is NOT about training a child to wee or poo on demand for parental convenience (although it can be coincidentally convenient to parents). The purpose and aim of elimination communication is to foster communication between parent and child and to maintain and nurture the child's natural awareness of her elimination urges.

Personally, I object to the term "infant potty/toilet training" to refer to EC because it does not accurately reflect elimination communication. EC is about communicating about elimination! Parents who practice EC do not treat their children like animals or use Pavlovian techniques to condition their children to wee or poo on cue. Rather, parents watch and listen to their children closely and learn their children's natural body language and sounds which they make when they are about to wee or poo.

ECing parents who make a sound while their children wee or poo (and not all do) do so to help strengthen their child's awareness of how it feels to eliminate. If this awareness is kept strong within children they remain clear in their communication to their parents that it is time to make a catch. In addition to maintaining strong elimination awareness in infants, making a sound (such as "sssss") while the child wees or poos helps the child to relax her body and therefore helps her release her elimination because of the association she has with weeing and pooing and that sound.

When a silly nurse said my daughter was weeing on demand I pointed out that it was the other way around; I was catching her wee on cue. If anything, EC is about parent training :)

Training or conditioning a baby to wee and poo at times based purely on parental convenience is not natural or gentle or empathetic. Parents who practice this kind of infant training are not communicating with their children, because communication is a two way street.

Sometimes She Prefers A Miss

2008-07-03T12:31:00.001+10:00

Further proof that ECing is really about communicating with your baby and not about a perfect catch rate is our daughter's preference for missing certain wees.

In sticking with our gentle parenting philosophies we don't hold her in the EC position, even if we know elimination is coming, if she clearly isn't happy about it. (There is a difference between when she was first adjusting to being held in the EC position and found it strange, to her "I'm not in the mood for this now" communication.)

Usually she prefers to miss than catch when she is just waking up, particularly first thing in the morning. We know after a long sleep that she needs to go, and when she doesn't but we haven't caught on and hold her over a bowl or sink she calmly waits until we catch on, sometimes whizzing her head up and back to look at our faces with a little expression of "what are you doing? I don't need the toilet" and we catch on. But when she does need to go but doesn't want us to make a catch she will cry with annoyance, as if she is saying "put me down!" (well, she IS saying that!). We put her down, watch her wee in her nappy and change it immediately.

If we were more interested with catching than communicating we would disregard her preference for missing and continue holding her in the EC position over her tub. But all that would do is communicate to her that we either aren't listening, or don't care what she's saying.

My guess is that ECing at these times wakes her up quicker than she would like. In any case these misses are evidence of successful ECing, because she communicates her desires, we listen and respond accordingly, all a little wiser for the experience.

EC Temporarily Went To Poo

2008-06-17T14:41:00.005+10:00

In the weeks since I last wrote here our ECing went awry, or "to poo", if you will. Our daughter got her first cold and she wasn't much up for communicating while she felt sick, understandably. So we resigned ourselves to full-time nappy reliance.

When she recovered she underwent some massive development and her signals changed. She found her voice and decided she'd prefer to use it when communicating her need to eliminate than her usual very clear body language. For a while there we were feeling back to square one with it all, missing round the clock.

Then once again I caught onto her new cues and realised that when she seems really frustrated, bordering on pissed-off (no pun intended) she is telling us her bladder or bowels are about to explode and please hold her over something to catch!

Those couple of weeks where we couldn't understand her cues were hard. Not so much because of the extra washing, but because we had been having such an easy and positive experience with EC until then. I took pride in being able to support my baby as she eliminated, and watching her soil herself had me feeling neglectful. More than that though, was the sadness I felt that I had somehow lost that great communication with her.

I told myself not to be so hard in my judgments, take it easy, everyone has bad days. Take it one poo or wee at a time LOL. The most important thing about communication is to keep the doors open, keep listening and watching and being open to picking up where we left off or learning something new. And thankfully after a couple of weeks of patiently watching and waiting for the pattern to re-emerge to me, it did.

We are back on track now! And now that our baby has found her voice, she likes to chatter away as she does her business :)

Instinctual Misses

2008-05-27T12:14:00.003+10:00

This has happened to me about a thousand times in the past couple of weeks, but I am only now beginning to realise it. I will be holding my daughter and thinking about her weeing, then I will feel as if she has wet herself, I feel her nappy becoming wet against me. Then I hesitate and doubt and begin to realise that she hasn't wee'd and I usually ask her about it, and say something like "did you do a wee?" and she looks up at me blankly and I realise she hasn't, but then she does one.

Up until today I have been dismissing these moments as murphy's law misses, but I am beginning to understand that my instincts have been growing stronger as we continue with our EC journey. It's no coincidence that I imagine her eliminating right before she does.

I am rather in awe of this latest discovery. When we decided to practice elimination communication I knew it would be great for fostering her instincts, I was skeptical about it having any impact on my own. Now I know better. I just have to start listening and trusting those instincts and offering her the tub even if I am just imagining her eliminating.

Tinkle

2008-05-20T15:17:00.005+10:00

Today something rather cool happened. I was holding my baby in my hands around her little body when I felt a tinkling sensation vibrate from inside her out to my hands! I thought "hmm, I bet that's wee making it's way down." So I held her over her catching tub and eureka, I was right.

Understanding Her Language

2008-05-16T17:03:00.002+10:00

We have had such good communication today! So far we've only missed one, which I knew was going to happen because I recognised her signals, but she was in the wrap, almost asleep, and I was dashing down the street, so I let it go and changed her when we got a chance.

What was really amazing about today was how clearly I could understand what she was telling me. When we got home she needed to wee. She was tensing her legs, arching her back so she was like a stiff little board and she was making frustrated little moans at me. I held her over her EC tub and caught a wee, then wiped her and lied her down in front of me for a play. As I lied her down she moaned at me in a way that was so obvious it was as if she had opened her mouth and said "I'm not done Mama" in plain English! So I picked her up again and held her over her tub and bang caught another one. This happened a few more times. This afternoon she's been doing lots of little wees every ten or fifteen minutes.

She will still go when she needs to if I don't respond quickly enough to her communication these days, but she prefers to be held over her tub, or a sink or bowl or toilet. She will tense and squeal (she has a squeal she does with her mouth shut that general means "EC time!") and as soon as we hold her in position over her tub she relaxes and goes (and usually has a little chat to us while she is going, cute little baby sounds that mean "aaah that's better." and "I doin'k a wee".

And we have replaced our old catching bowl with the tupperwear at home as well as when we are on the go. But I plan to give our review of the catching items a post of its own later.

EC Travel Kit

2008-05-12T15:54:00.004+10:00

Until today whenever our bub has needed to wee or poo while we're out and about we have taken her to a toilet, or held her over some grass. This system meant that at my first mother's group meet I kept having to get up and leave the group to take bubs to the toilet. But today, for some reason, I remembered seeing something about a travel kit on another EC website, but I can't remember exactly where. So I created my own.

My EC kit is very simple: 1 medium to large container for the catches, 1 (or 2) smaller containers to store the wee catches until you find a toilet, and a face washer for wiping.

I have been using this system for three hours and it has been fantastic! Today at mother's group I sat on the floor with my bub and neither of us missed a single minute of discussion. When I spotted a cue I put the large container under her and caught her wee, wiped her, poured the wee out of the bigger container into one of the small one's and sealed the small one shut and give the big container a quick wipe too. At the end of the group meet (after about three or four wees) I tipped the contents of the small container into the toilet and flushed, rinsed both containers with water, dried with a face washer and put the tupperwear back in my bag.

If I were walking around and couldn't tip the contents down a toilet immediately I could seal the small container, put it inside the big container and seal that too, put it in my bag and forget about it until we were near a toilet.

Not only was it super convenient, it was a great way of naturally introducing my new acquaintances to elimination communication.

More From April's EC Collection

2008-05-10T16:21:00.009+10:00

Okay, so strictly speaking these items of clothing are not EC specific, they are a dress and beanie and of course leg warmers (there's nerry an outside shot in the colder weather that my babe shan't be in her leg warmers :D) but they are still EC friendly clothes. And more importantly they are a gorgeous gift from the gracious and talented April which make my bub look even more adorable than usual (who'd 'ave thought that was possible?!)

Please excuse how tired the bub is in these shots, seconds after they were taken she had a biiig sleep in her woven wrap :)

I absolutely love this dress and hat set, gorgeous colours, gorgeous designs. I especially love that the hat has something 1920sesque about itself (as my partner observed). I'm a big fan of the 20s and all things flapper. I even do the Charleston and play the clarinet :D

And here we are out and about our niece's second birthday in her special outfit

The EC Catwalk

2008-05-09T14:33:00.003+10:00

My bub's too sexy for her nappy, and she shakes her nudey tush on the catwalk.

I've been meaning to post about baby clothing and EC, but I thought I'd wait until I had some snaps of our bub in her special ECing fashion which was hand made by April.

Most of the time my bub wears jumpsuits, long sleeved on cold days and short sleeved on hot days, but we leave them undone, so she wears jumpsuits like shirts (see picture below). This is mainly because we have struggled to find many baby sized shirts.

As I've mentioned previously our bub isn't completely nappy free, we use nappies like underwear. So most of the time she has a hemp or bamboo cloth nappy on her butt. On cold days when we head outside she wears a long sleeved jumpsuit undone, a nappy and one of the little pairs of pants we have - all of which were inherited from friends. It's a little bit annoying having her in pants because it means another layer to take off when we EC on the go. Dresses would be better than pants, but that leaves little legs exposed to the weather. In my opinion the ECer's best friend are baby sized leg warmers. Cue April...

April is a very talented craftswoman who was keen to make our bub a welcome-to-the-world gift. Among other things, April made our daughter some little leg warmers which are my new favourite thing in the world.

I love the colour she chose, it will go with everything! Now when we go out into the world we can EC and keep our babe warm without having to muck around with layers of clothing! Every Christmas, every birthday, every baby I am going to request baby sized leg warmers from friends and family :D

But that's just what happens in my family. To find out what other items are on the EC catwalk in other families check out the following links:
The EC Store
Tribal Baby on Clothing
The Potty Shop Items

Q & A with R&A

2008-05-08T10:04:00.003+10:00

I received a comment from R&A asking some questions about EC that I thought I'd answer in a post of its own rather than tacking onto the comments section of another post. This way more readers can benefit from our discussion as opposed to just those subscribed to one post :)

What did you dress your baby in? I'll have mine in August so I'm thinking we'll just do naked/loose swaddle for the first while, while we learn baby's cues. After that we could wear diapers or naked-in-sling if I can watch for cues and then remove it quickly.

We didn't begin ECing until she was 7 weeks old, in the early days we didn't feel confident adding yet another new thing to the list of skills we needed to learn, so we just had our baby in infant sized all-in-one cloth nappies. Next baby I think we will start from birth because I think it will be much easier to learn her cues then rather than later. An ECing friend of mine did begin from birth and she would have her bub nappy free on a nappy and that's how they did their early catches.

Our bub is not actually nappy free, although she has lots of nappy free time. We use cloth nappies like underwear. You can actually buy baby sized undies made especially for ECers, but we already had nappies so we didn't bother with another expense. Like you said, we have her in a nappy which we pull off when we see a cue and put back on after a catch and a wipe. But we are also having her in nappies in her slings mainly because we use them so much that we can't risk having more than one in the wash at a time. And I've noticed that our baby doesn't like to wake up to get out of her sling to do a wee, she will squirm and if we take her out of the sling to catch she wakes up very upset with us, so we let the sleepy sling one go :)

If you do decide to have your baby in nappies for underwear make sure you use cloth rather than disposable because you will notice wetness far quicker in cloth than disposable and you want your baby to be familiar with that wet feeling so she will let you know when she feels it and you can change her. This way she learns that having poo and wee in your pants isn't something normal that she has to put up with :)

While on the subject of nappies, I should mention that we no longer use all-in-one's or put covers over her bamboo and hemp clothies. The reason being that we wouldn't realise immediately if we had missed a wee or poo when she was in covers or the all-in-one's. Other than that, when buying nappies just make sure you feel they could come off and on fairly quickly. I don't know much about all the nappies there are in the world, ours have press studs on them, and the newborn ones had velcro.

As for clothing avoid jumpsuits with long legs and feet, they are too hard to get off and on for an ECer (actually, even when we weren't ECing they were bloody hard work!). Our baby mainly wears jumpsuits that have press studs at the croutch that we leave undone, although we could do them up because her cues give us enough time to undo three press studs, pull of a nappy and get her over the bowl.

The best clothing in my opinion are shirts, coupled with baby sized leg warmers and socks and booties during the cold weather. Dresses also work well. Presently we don't have a lot of EC friendly baby clothes, except for a few items the lovely April made us, so we tend to half dress bub in the stuff we do have (eg with full length jumpsuits, we put her arms in and do up the first few studs, but leave the legs dangling undone behind her back).

There are places that make baby clothes especially for ECing families. Check out these links:
http://www.theecstore.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=170
http://www.tribalbaby.org/ECClothing.html
http://www.thepottyshop.com.au/potty-bowls-clothing-and-other-items.php

And what about nighttimes? (what to wear) - did you use a bowl for nighttimes or just keep changing a dry towel?

ECing wouldn't be possible throughout the night without the family sharing a bed, but you'd probably already figured that out. During the night she is dressed exactly the same as during the day, we do still use the bowl for night time catches, but we find that she doesn't eliminate much, if at all, during the night.

We do sleep on a towel or blanket, but not because of ECing, because of my bountiful breasts which tend to soak the mattress overnight.

Sometimes I don't wake up fast enough to make a catch, but will change the nappy for her comfort. Most of the time her squirming stirs me and I wake up to find a little bub giving me signals and I make a catch with my eyes still half shut and in the morning I wonder if I dreamed it.

How did you do it while using a baby carrier? Just watch for cues and pop her out?

Yep. Our baby generally sleeps in her baby carriers though, so she doesn't often eliminate in them, and the times when she does she is usually still asleep so I don't pull her out because it's more important to me that she have a rest and be peaceful in her slings than it is to whip her out and make a catch. I learned that the hard way! I used to pull her out for the catches when she'd squirm, but she'd be so unhappy about it!

When she is awake in her carriers we watch for cues, generally they take the form of her trying to stand up, or pushing her feet against the carrier. And then we'd pull her out, hold her over the catching bowl, make a catch and then pop her back in her carrier.

Am I thinking along the right lines?

You sure are. As long as you are thinking "I am going to listen to my baby and try to understand what she is telling me" you are thinking along the right lines (not just for ECing!). Don't get caught up in counting the misses, go by the motto "communication is the goal, not perfection". Misses are successes too because they help you become that little bit more familiar with your bub - I found so many times I'd miss a wee or poo and realise that I had been wondering if she was about to eliminate just before she did! So even though technically those were misses, they were also successes.

Don't beat yourself up if you are feeling like you struggle to understand your baby, it doesn't mean you are less of a mother, and every mother feels that way at some point. Remember that communication is a never ending process, some days you will be better at it than others and the same goes for your bub.

You will have days where you feel inspired and ECing is lots of fun, but you will also have low energy days when you'll think yourself mad for not going the mainstream route. On those days come here and re-read, and check out the websites linked to the right, and they will help re-motivate you. I found that on the one day when I thought about giving up reading the tribal baby website was all I needed to pick myself up.

All these answers are specific to my family, what suits us and our baby's persoanlity. You will find all the practicalities will sort themselves out to fit into what is best for you and your family. ECing really is simply a matter of knowing and listening your bub :)

Natural Learning & Toilet Independence

2008-05-04T22:56:00.000+10:00

I was thinking about how we learn naturally, and it struck me that the way our society "trains" children to use the toilet is in stark contrast to the way they learn everything else up to that point in their little lives.

Take talking for example. Children learn to talk by spending time with adults while they talk. They watch, listen, emulate, and eventually speak independently. Walking and eating are other examples, they see us standing and walking and want to try it for themselves, they start out by adults holding them steady, they take their first steps with their parents holding their hands above them, and eventually they take some steps on their own and with practice they become steady and speedy. Their first experiences with food other than breastmilk is watching us eat and then reaching out to try it themselves. Monkey see, monkey do! That's my understanding of natural learning. But our society treats learning about elimination very differently.

Firstly, it is less likely that a child gets to watch their parents use the toilet (unless you have a close family, but in my mainstream family parental toilet time was very much behind closed doors). That puts a big obstacle in the way of a child learning how to use the toilet in my opinion. Sure, we adults tell them how to do it, but that is so different to learning from seeing it everyday. Parents using the toilet is not a part of the child's everyday activities like walking, talking, and eating are, in most families.

Having said that, this is not the case in the family I'm creating. I frequently take my baby girl into the toilet with me when we are home alone, she usually watches me from her bouncer, sometimes she is in a sling or a wrap on me.

By practicing elimination communication, toileting is something that the child does with her parents every day for as long as she can remember. As with walking a child in an ECing family experiences her first eliminations into the toilet in the supportive hands of her parents. And it happens so early in her life that she doesn't ever remember not using a toilet or potty of some description, just like she doesn't remember learning to walk.

There is no sudden or drastic changes introduced to the life of an EC'd child when it comes to toileting independence. Gradually they make their way from being supported on the potty by parental hands, to using it on their own.

To read a related entry click here

Celebrating Our 1 Month ECing Anniversary In Style

2008-05-03T20:39:00.004+10:00

We have been ECing for one month today. We actually had a formal ceremony to welcome our daughter to the world today. But before the ceremony, before the guests began arriving Dada was sitting on the couch with our nappy free babe and I was kneeling before them holding her catching bowl beneath her and between her Dad's legs. We waited and we waited and we waited, but alas no wee came. So Dad stopped holding her in the EC position and I took the bowel away and just as I began saying "I guess we read her signals wrong" she did a great big wee all over her Dad :D

Relaxing

2008-05-01T21:06:00.002+10:00

The second most important part of the ECing process is relaxing (the first is communication, it's all in the name :D). I've noticed that our baby can't wee or poo unless she is relaxed. This is why quite often she wees during a feed, or cries if we offer her the potty straight after she's woken up if she hasn't eaten yet.

Tonight we knew that she needed to wee but as her Dad held her over the catching bowl she wouldn't wee. We waited patiently and spoke softly to her about needing to wee, occasionally we made her cue sound "ssss". Eventually she did an enormous burp and then the wee came shooting out. She was obviously waiting until the discomfort of wind passed before letting her lower body relax into doing a wee. Having observed that I feel that I know her a little better than I did before.

I think the element of relaxation (no doubt coupled with communication) makes EC such a gentle parenting choice. My daughter is on a very different, and much more pleasant, journey toward toileting independence than my own.

Parenting & Learning Gently

2008-04-30T22:11:00.001+10:00

Gentle parenting is one of the many words for the attachment style of parenting, also called natural parenting, helping mode parenting, instinctive parenting, parenting by heart, and I like to call it parenting with empathy. The more we practice elimination communication, the more I come to realise how gentle the practice is, particularly when you compare it with some methods of toilet training.

In my own family toilet training was an experience riddled with manipulation, shame, fear and physical discomfort. The physical discomfort was the result of being ordered to "hold it in" as my parents rushed me to my potty or a toilet. Extremely stressful for a little person and I've no doubt bad for our health! The fear came from understanding that using the toilet is a big person activity and I was a little person. The toilet was something outside of my realm and I had to grow-up and face it.

I was terrified of falling into the big toilet, and I was afraid because I knew that at some stage I was going to have to do it all by myself, and I didn't like the idea of being on the toilet without a big person there with me. That fear stemmed from being pushed into toilet training. Rather than gradually learning to use the toilet in my own time I felt pressured into learning fast for my parents convenience, which only made it scary and stressful. As I write this I realise that today I get in and out of the toilet as quick as possible, and sometimes I will feel that there is still more to come but I finish up and hold on for a while because I don't want to spend anymore time in there!

The shame came about when I didn't make it to the potty or toilet in time and I wet myself. It made me feel like a failure. When that happened I knew I had disappointed my parents, which really upset me, but it also made me feel bad because I was still a little person who wasn't ready for the big person thing of being toilet trained, and that made me feel inferior to adults and other children.

Finally, the manipulation happened when my parents praised me for making it to the toilet in time, clapping when I used the potty or toileting and rewarding me in other ways (positive attention, edible treats, cuddles etc.). I was manipulated into believing that nappies were for stupid babies undeserving of parental respect, and that I had to win my parents attention and love by training myself to use the potty and toilet. And obviously that made me rush and stress out because I desperately wanted them to make me feel loved rather than shamed. In addition to those "positive" forms of manipulation was my grandmother's negative tactic. She invented an imaginary granddaughter who was the same age as me, but told me that she was the good one and I was the bad one. She referred to this imaginary person as "Nanny's other little girl". Nanny's other little girl was with my grandmother whenever I wasn't, and she never missed the potty. My mother often told me she wished that the other little girl was her daughter! These are obvious examples of harsh and cruel parenting, very far from gentle.

With elimination communication our child gets to gradually learn to use the potty and toilet, and she is supported by us throughout the entire journey. When it comes time to use the big person's toilet she will already have used it, because we make catches in toilets. Her first experiences with the big persons toilet have already begun, safely in the arms of her parents.

The shame of not making it to the potty or toilet is not a cause for shame in an ECing family, because misses are just a part of the journey. And the manipulative praise and rewards systems used in toilet training are not part of the practice of elimination communication because catching poo and wee is just an ordinary part of the day. Toileting is just an everyday activity for the little person, just as toilet independence is a part of everyday life for the big person, nothing to get excited about.

And of course as a mother who is committed to gentle parenting, my daughter will never be placed in competition with any other children, real or imaginary! Her toileting journey is her own.

EC Article on Essence Of Life Website

2008-04-29T19:58:00.003+10:00

Today I discovered another article about elimination communication. Most of the article explains what EC is and takes you through the the author's journey to beginning it with her daughter, but there are the following great insights:

In older books, I discovered that before the advent of disposable diapers, average toilet training ages were equivalent to that in the third world; around twelve to eighteen months, while in the West, where the vast majority of mothers put disposables on their babies from birth onwards, and never let them go bare-bottomed, the average age had crept up to almost three years old!...
EC is about communicating with the child, and helping the child to become aware of her body, rather than letting her ignore her bodily functions and then need to clean up after the fact, and finally, having to "train" her to control herself, often using shame and guilt, later in childhood.
I believe this is the gentlest way of raising a child, with love, respect and dignity, and it works to form a stronger bond between parent and child.

The site has this to say about the author:

Ela Forest is a natural parenting consultant, a rebirthing practitioner and does intuitive healing and massage using reiki, aura balancing, meditation, cleansing and Gestalt. She gives workshops on women's health and fertility and practices as a lay doula and breastfeeding consultant. She is also the mother of Sequoia.

But I know her better as the awesome Majikfarie of http://majikfaerie.blogspot.com/

15 Months & Already Toilet "Trained"

2008-04-26T01:05:00.004+10:00

We were visited today by two mummy friends and their baby girls. One baby girl was born just two weeks before ours, with the same doula as our baby and in the same birth pool as our baby! The other bub is quite older: 15 months.

Our 15 month old friend and her Mummy have been ECing since birth. She spends her days nappy free, and lets her Mum know when she needs to use the toilet. She is pretty much toilet trained already!

She got very excited whenever I caught one of our baby's wees. She would smile and talk in her toddler language about what we were doing, clearly identifying it as something that she has in common with our little baby. It was very cute.

She was also fascinated by our baby's ECing bowl. She'd wander over to us when we assumed the EC position and she'd bend over to take a closer look at the catch LOL And then she'd excitedly chat again in her toddler language.

We missed a couple of wees and a poo in the morning, but once we got up and started the day we were on the one nappy until after 11pm!

Another happy ECin' day for all involved.

Another Dad Moment ECing

2008-04-25T17:44:00.002+10:00

Today Dad made his first catch outside the home! We were shopping with bub sleeping in her wrap. When she woke up we took her out of the wrap and headed for the toilets. I handed bub to her Dad so that I could go do my own business, and Dad made caught a wee in the little child's toilet in the parents room :)

What did Dad have to say about it?:

It was very exciting. And kind of cool that she is comfortable enough with us that she can relax in a public place with fluorescent lights.

Congratulations team EC!

All Ploping Into Place

2008-04-23T00:10:00.001+10:00

Since the weekend (which were days 15 and 16 on our EC journey) we have been feeling like an ECing family, rather than a family who is trying to EC. Since my detailed note taking we are confident in recognising her elimination cues; tensing muscles, stretching and kicking legs, and general restlessness, which could be misconstrued as "grumpiness".

We don't feel the need to keep note of every little elimination detail now, we're able to go with the flow these days. We don't have many misses, and the misses that we do have are quickly forgotten. The misses that we do have usually happen during the "ungodly hours" of the day, when we are so deeply asleep we either don't wake to her squirms, or we wake too slowly. The other misses can be attributed to misunderstanding her (thinking she is tired or needs to vomit instead of eliminate), or being distracted and therefore not recognising her cues in time (that's why I find we have more misses on the days when we go out or have visitors).

I am confident enough with the process now that I am happy to make catches in public and at other people's houses. At first we only tried to catch at home and would let our bub soil herself while we were out and change her nappy after the fact. But since then I have taken her into the toilet at my Aunt's house, and made a couple of outdoors catches.

Our bub seems to be enjoying the process. Sometimes it seems as if she holds on until we have her over her bowl and then she relaxes and does her business. Before we started to practice EC she would scream her little face red while we changed her nappy, so she much prefers the catching system. She also seems less upset by the sensations of needing to wee or poo than she used to be, and we think this is because she realises that we are listening to her now, so she doesn't need to cry and thrash herself about to get our attention. Instead, she stiffens and stretches her legs and has a quiet winge, and when we hold her over her bowl she quietly eliminates, whereas she used to cry throughout. She also takes less time to relax and let herself go once we are holding her over her bowl than she used to.

We are still using cloth nappies like underwear. She wears them under her clothes and we take them off when she needs to go to the toilet. And, obviously, if we miss a catch the cloth nappies make it less of a big deal because wee or poo doesn't go everywhere, and sometimes won't soak through her clothes (and her carriers when we're wearing her). I have noticed that we are using far less nappies these days than when we started ECing. Sunday we only went through two nappies, and may I remind readers that our daughter is nine weeks old!

So, in looking back on day 19 of our EC journey I realise that it only took two weeks to find our feet with learning our baby's cues and catching her wees and poos.

From One End Of The Spectrum To The Other

2008-04-22T20:29:00.002+10:00

Yesterday on my way to my Aunt's house I stopped by the side of the road to hold my daughter over the nature-strip and let her wee, and we had a breastfeed while we were there. Then when I got to my Aunt's house I told her that I felt I had truly earned the title "hippy" after that. We had a laugh, and my Aunt said she thought the image of me ECing and feeding by the side of the road was very "gypsy-mama". What was really interesting was that when I explained EC to my Aunt it struck a positive cord.

My Aunt felt that EC made a lot of sense because it kept the baby aware of her body in a way that she would need to be aware (or re-learn how to be aware) of it later in life. This was the major reason my partner and I decided to take up the challenge of poo and wee catching.

I suppose I'm always a little surprised when one of our "alternative" lifestyle choices (interesting how often the word "alternative" is used in lieu of the word "natural" in mainstream society, methinks) is well-received by someone who didn't make the same choice for themselves. Pleasently surprised, of course. In any case, my Aunt's interest and enthusiasm for EC lulled me into a false sense of security...

Today, after another public catch over a small garden out the front of a supermarket, I went to a maternal and child health clinic to find out about connecting with other women and babies on a regular basis. While we were in the waiting room my baby had to go, so I held her over a sink and caught a wee and a poo and gave the sink a clean when we were done. When we went in to speak to the nurse my bub sat in my lap happy as my baby and nappy free, and the nurse said to my baby "Wow, your Mum's brave!" I explained EC to her and she replied "Oh yes, I know all about Chinese parenting" (funny, coz I don't!). According to this nurse all the women in China practice EC wherever they are, though what degree of research she based that assertion on is unclear to me.

Anyway, she went on to make certain comments to me in such a way that suggested she really wanted to discourage me from continuing to EC. For example she said "learning their signals is really very hard. But I think once you learn them it goes alright". It was strange to hear because she obviously didn't realise that I am an ECer who already knows her baby's cues. But what really made me laugh on the inside was her comment about "cultural differences". She said "the only real issue with doing it here" (by which she meant "not China") "is that it is likely to offend people. I mean, you could NEVER do it by the side of the road in this country!"

:D

Natural Parenting By The Side Of The Road

2008-04-21T17:57:00.001+10:00

The bub and I went on a big adventure today. I was starting to get new-mamma cabin fever at home with our baby all day by myself, so we went for a massive walk and a couple of train rides to get out and about. She slept most of the day in her hug-a-bub, but at one point she woke up hungry and needing to pee while we were walking to a train station. So I took her out of the wrap, sat myself down on the side of the road and breastfed and EC'd her right there in suburbia! I have never felt as hippy as I did holding my half naked baby over a strip of grass letting her wee, while one of my bare breasts hung out.

Our Little Master of Communications

2008-04-21T15:28:00.001+10:00

I was wearing bub in a pouch yesterday and worrying that she wouldn't be able to let me know when she needed to eliminate because she's so snug (ie she couldn't push her legs out as she does). I decided to put aside my worry and if we missed a catch so be it, we were all happy having her in her pouch for the moment. Of course she had no trouble letting me know when it was time to get out of the pouch and over the catching bowl. When she couldn't kick her legs out she squirmed as much as she could and cried at me until I got the message (which wasn't very long!). I took her out of the pouch, held her over the bowl and immediately she did a wee in the bowl. Beautiful work, team.

After the catch I explained to her Dad that I had had nothing to fear, she was perfectly capable of letting me know it was time for the potty. And his response cracked me up. He said to bub:

"Nine weeks old and you're already a better communicator than your father!"

Big Catcher: EC Reality TV

2008-04-20T16:45:00.002+10:00

It's been a lazy wee catching kind of a day at our place. I managed to catch an ECing moment on my camera phone this afternoon. Didn't film the catch itself, since my camera only films 15 seconds of footage at a time. But I did manage to film what she was doing beforehand, and then again a second after the catch so you can see how we hold her and what we've been using to catch :)

You can see in the above footage that mere seconds before she eliminates she pulls off from her feed and is very restless. She is also tensing her muscles and stretching her stiffened legs out, off camera. After she came off my breast I handed her to her Dad who had the catching bowl ready and then filmed this:

In this footage you can see her Dad holding her in the classic ECing position, which is the most supportive position for newborns. Her back and head are leaning backwards against his body, and he is nursing the weight of her body on her thighs in the palms of his hands. This position helps her work out her elimination, giving her room to stretch and kick her legs out forwards and rock the rest of her body backwards. In this footage she looks pretty chilled out because she has finished her business. Just before she eliminated she was crying, kicking, and tensing her muscles. She also had an up-chuck, so Dad caught that too LOL.

Wee & Poothropologist

2008-04-19T13:07:00.004+10:00

For the last seventy-two hours I've been making elimination notes :) Every time our bub poos or wees I jot down what time it is and what she was doing just before she went. I decided upon this note taking approach the other day when I was feeling done about not feeling connected enough to her, and feeling like we were making very little progress in improving our communication.

It was the best idea I ever had. Within about twenty four hours I was fairly confident I recognised her elimination cues, and after forty eight hours I realised I had reached the point where I only missed catching a wee if I was asleep. And even though counting catches and misses in not the point of ECing, keeping track of them has helped me realise that we are developing well. The whole note taking experience has filled me with confidence and made ECing a lot more enjoyable.

Here are what my notes look like:

Elimination Record

April 16 Wednesday

13:50 WEE immediately after coming of the wrap after a sleep in it (about an hours sleep) (caught)

After 14:00 WEE while cuddling (missed)

Between 14:00 and 15:30 WEE while feeding (missed)

Before 15:30 POO (missed)

Before 16:30 and after 15:30 WEE while sleeping (missed)

16:30 WEE while feeding (missed)

16:45 POO while feeding frustration, crying, spurt, stopped feeding, boob still un mouth looking up at me concerned, second spurt, calm, Back to feeding, (caught)

16:53 POO was feeding, pulls off, squirming, concerned look, hold over potty third spurt (caught)

Before 18:25 WEE either while sleeping or waking. There was some squirming in her sleep (missed)

18:35 WEE fussing, winging, but her on boob, she was fine for a few minutes then upset, more fussing, offered her the potty. After a few minutes she wee’d (caught)

18:57 WEE fussing, winging, crying, put her on the boob, didn’t make her happy, she was making her body go stiff, tensing all her muscles and then she wee’d (missed)

Sometime before 20:30 and after 19:00 WEE while she was asleep. There was some fussing while she slept, searching for boob, but she always got back on the boob and fed happily so I didn’t notice when it happened (missed)

20:45 POO she was lying on me, suddenly did a wet sounding fart so I held her over the potty (caught)

between 21:15 and 22:00 WEE while in the wrap, she did squirm occasionally while sleeping in the wrap (missed)

22:01 WEE after coming out of the wrap (Dad caught)

22:54 WEE I think this one took her by surprise too, she coughed and it squirted out (missed)

Sometime between 23:00 and 23:30 WEE while she was crying (missed)

6/17 catches

11 misses

April 17 Thursday

1:39 STILL DRY. Mum went to bed too

4:something STILL DRY

7:15 WET ALREADY Woke up and she was wet, changed nappy, held her over potty, she got distressed and cried so I put another nappy on and we went back to sleep having a feed (missed)

8:20 WET ALREADY Woke up to her crying, she was hungry and very wet (missed)

8:50 WEE after squirming and falling off booba a couple of times (caught)

11:30 WET ALREADY we got up and she was wet. She had been squirming but she’d stayed asleep, or went back to sleep super fast (missed)

12:06 WEE, while we were playing, didn’t notice any cues (missed)

12:27 WEE, she had seemed tired and frustrated. Hadn’t settled into her usual calm self again after the last wee. She was showing me cues for so long that I stopped believing it was about elimination and thought she was just tired (missed)

12:30 – 13:00 WEE, while I was on the toilet and she was rocking in he bouncer. She was quiet, starting up at me (missed)

13:58 POO, after she’d woken up, caught it, offered it because she’d woken up, she seemed to be telling me something was going on, can’t remember how (caught)

14: 00 WEE, still holding her over potty, unfortunately didn’t realise she was weeing and didn’t have it lined up properly (still counts as a catch!)

14:15 WEE, she was lying down happily then winged, I thought she just wanted a cuddle and not to lie down anymore, turned out she wanted to wee (missed)

Lay her down again, kicking around, she seemed unhappy about lying down again so I picked her up (she was stiffening her legs and going bug eyed)

14:18 POO having a cuddle and she was restless, had a little wingey cry, stiffened legs, I wondered if there was more wee to come so held her over the potty (caught)

14:25 WEE We were having a lie down feed and she was coming off the breast to have a little cry, that I call a winge, I thought she was just tired, but she weed (missed)

14:35 WEE She was winging while we had a cuddle and as I was asking her what the matter was she wee’d (missed)

15:49 WEE she woke up from an hour nap, squirming, grunting a little , held her over the potty and she wee’d almost immediately (caught)

17:00 WEE, woke up happy and very relaxed, took a few minutes to wake up and then she started winging and tensing her legs (missed)

17:20 POO, had been happily feeding, getting sleepy, then she started falling off the boob and moving her legs around a lot, then she did a wet sounding fart. Held her over the potty for a few minutes and finally she pood. (caught)

Observation: common pre-elimination behaviour includes; winging, frustration, tensing muscles or “going stiff”

Before 18: 24 WEE she woke up squirming and wingy so I held over the potty (caught)

18:24 POO she hadn’t settled since her wee, squirmy, avoiding eye contact, kicking and then wingy cry so I held her over the potty (caught)

18:53 WEE tensing muscles going stiff restless then wee all over me (missed)

18:55 POO didn’t settle since the wee, more wingy crying and squirming then I heard a wet fart, held her over the potty and caught a poo (caught)

19:04 WEE. Crying, squirming I thought she was tired or hungry so I laid her down for a feed, she cried and pulled off and weed (missed)

20:43 WEE and POO, woke herself squirming so I offered her the potty (caught)

21:06 WEE didn’t settle, cried, tensed, fussed, so I held her over the potty and she weed after a few minutes (caught)

21:08 POO didn’t settle, so I kept holding her over the potty and eventually she pood (caught)

21:17 WEE still fussing, tensing, winging and then she weed on me (missed)

21:48 WEE fussing, lots of crying and helpless little quiet squeals. More crying when I offered her the potty, but she did wee (caught)

22:10 WEE she was making herself stiff and stretching and making grunting sounds. I held her over the potty expecting poo, but caught a wee instead (caught)

23:20 WEE woke up after squirming a little bit in the wrap (caught)

15/28 catches

13 misses

April 18 Friday

00:42 WEE after coming off boob, she sounded like she was grunting and panting (missed)

00:52 WEE and fart after tensing and panting (caught)

1:07 WEE, she had been crying (caught)

5:34 STILL DRY

7:20 ALREDY WET woke to squirming. Gave her a feed and she went back to sleep but it was very squirmy sleep, so I got her up and offered her the potty (missed)

7:58 POO (small) and WEE she was kicking and cried a little (caught)

8:02 WEE general uncomfortableness, kicking, dad held her over potty (Dad caught)

8:26 WEE she never really settled after the last wee. Tensing legs, making herself stiff and grumbling, offered her the potty (caught)

10:40 ALREADY WET. Woke up, she was still asleep but squirming slightly (missed)

11:35 POO. She had been tensing and farted, offered her the potty and it too quite some time but she eventually pood after a few more farts. It was only a tiny poo so I took her away from the potty for a while, she tensed some more, cried a little, so I offered it again and this time she had a proper poo (caught)

12:05 WEE. Slight squirming on the breast, and coming off (missed)

12:19 WEE. Stretching legs, slight annoyed tone to her gurgles (caught)

12:30 WEE Slight annoyance on boob, kicking legs, so I offered her the potty (caught)

14:30 POO she woke up and I offered the potty, she pood (caught)

14:33 WEE and POO she still seemed unsettled, so I kept holding her over the potty (caught)

14:50 POO tensing, stretching legs while on the boob. I took her off and offered the potty but she cried a lot, so I put her back on the boob and she was happy feeding but tensing and kicking again so I took her off again and offered her the potty, she squealed a little squeal but did do some poo once she relaxed (caught)

16:40 WEE Slight stirring in sleep, waking slightly, but wanting booba, gave her some booba, she came off, squirming slightly, offered her the potty (caught)

16:50 WEE, making herself stiff, tensing, stretching legs, offered her the potty, she cried and squirmed but did eventually wee (caught)

18:00 WEE she woke up squirmy (caught)

18:31 WEE stayed slightly squirmy and tense, so I offered the potty again (caught)

18:43 WEE going stiff crying a little (caught)

18:50 WEE making legs tense, some grunting (caught)

19:00 WEE coming off boob, crying, tensing (Dad caught)

20:15 WEE going stiff, and squirming a little bit, very quiet winging (Dad caught)

20:48 WEE kicking legs (caught)

22:15 WEE woke up, squirming and stretching and tensing legs (Dad caught)

22:50 WEE stretching, some slight crying (caught)

23:08 WEE crying, stretching legs, tensing legs (Dad caught)

23/27 catches

Only 4 misses!

April 19 Saturday

00:10 WEE tensing legs, kicking, grunting noises (Dad caught)

5:49 STILL DRY. WEE woke to her squirming offered potty (caught)

8:53 FELT DRY but I think we probably missed a wee and slept through a squirm

9:53 ALREADY WET, I think I remember dreaming about her squirming but was too tired to wake myself up. (missed)

10:10 WEE after some squirming and a fart (caught)

10:29 WEE kicking legs, grizzling and some grunting noises (caught)

13:18 WEE after she woke up she farted, she had been occasionally squirming in her sleep, and we're fairly sure we missed a wee while she was asleep (Dad caught)

15:11 ALREADY WET woke up after a big sleep (missed)

15:22 POO two spurts and a WEE, she came off the boob, hadn’t settled since waking (caught)

15:45 WEE she had been squirming, fussing at the boob and pulling off (Dad caught)

15:55 WEE kicking, still unsettled since the last wee (caught)

16:11 WEE kicking legs, slightly unsettled, but less tense than usual (missed)

16:15 WEE tensing, crying, not interested in boob so I held her over the potty (caught)

16:34 WEE lots of crying, frustration, tensing, she was in the wrap pushing her legs down, so Dad took her out and held her over the potty and bam (caught)

11/14 caught

Only 3 misses!

I am Just the Catcher, Not the Commander

2008-04-18T16:00:00.002+10:00

For all my focus on what her elimination cues might be I have paid little attention to her daily rhythms. In using the timing method all I have really done is offered her the potty upon waking. A limited approach with limited success, and not at all about communicating or engaging in diolgue with her. It's far more like potty training, which is not at all what EC is about, where you train your child to hold it in until a convenient time and then let them release. EC is about helping her release when she wants to. I'm supposed to be responding to her! Not expecting or trying to make her go when it suits me.

In the hope of getting in touch with her natural rhythms I have been making a note of what times she eliminates as well as what she is doing at that time.

Sherplop Holmes: Being an EC Detective

2008-04-17T15:44:00.004+10:00

We've been ECing for two weeks tomorrow, so I feel it is a good time to take a look back at previous entries to collate a list of actions our baby did before eliminating, and try to spot any patterns.

Frustration*
Fussiness*
Struggling to stay on the breast*
Avoiding eye contact
Tensing muscles*
Bracing feet against me and pushing herself up and away (this has stopped doing this so much in the last couple of days)
Look of concentration
Bug eyed look
Wingey cry, cry of discomfort* rather than hunger or tiredness (not always easy to tell the difference though)
Farts

* = also cue for vomit

I guess the hardest thing is that while all those things could be cues, she can also do them just because she's feeling a bit sad or tired or uncomfortable. Or she could just feel frustrated, fussy, or need to fart.

So how do I tell when she is doing those actions to communicate her need to eliminate? It is not elementary, dear Watson, not yet anyway.

You Can't Force Forward

2008-04-17T14:50:00.004+10:00

I'm feeling a bit better about ECing today. Mainly because I realised how far we've come on our breastfeeding journey in a few short weeks without actively trying to push progress along. It was a pleasant surprise to one day realise it was coming naturally to both of us. I am going to trust the same will happen with ECing.

The ECing journey is definitely challenging me to develop into a more patient and trusting mother.

Feeling Bummed Out

2008-04-16T21:20:00.002+10:00

The past couple of days have been hard. I have caught so many up-chucks and missed so many wees and a couple of poos. I've also become awesome at catching farts, for all the good that's worth! *sigh* The last 24 hours she's been very gassy, leaving little skid marks on towels and nappies, and so I take her to the potty to see if she needs to release a poo, but all that follows are a few more farts...oh and maybe another up-chuck.

I'm feeling more clueless twelve days in than I did two days in. I'm still feeling blind to her cues. I don't know whether she's become more subtle or whether I've stopped paying the same level of attention I was previously. Probably the latter. I've had a couple of tired days where I've chosen to sleep through her squirming and now I'm worried that she has taken that to mean I'm not bothering with her elimination anymore so she's given up trying to communicate.

Yesterday I missed so many wees. There was an hour and half where she wee'd every ten or so minutes! And every time I'd think "well, I missed it, won't be any more for a while" and within minutes I'd be drenched again, and think "surely no more for a while!?" and I'd be surely wrong. Again I'm not listening to her or communicating with her, I'm following my preconceived notions and trying to make her fit into that *shakes head disapprovingly* And to really help me learn this lesson she has stopped always weeing immediately after waking up, just to keep me on my toes.

I think it might be a matter of patience. I'm probably expecting far too much far too soon of both of us, and so it feels more hopeless than it actually is. The novelty has worn off, so spending minutes holding her over the potty is wearing thin with me. And I am really fed up with misreading her cues.

I'm sick of waking up too late to catch the just woken up elimination. I'm sick of not being instinctive enough to just know when it's time and instead catching up-chuck or burps or feeding her instead and getting covered in wee. I think part of the reason I'm so down about it all today is because I missed two poos yesterday and one poo on Sunday and before that I went eight days without missing a poo. Poo was my thing! LOL. The worst of it was that yesterday I was holding her, looking at her and talking to her while I missed the poo, so I don't know how I missed her cue unless she didn't give one. I don't know what's worse; missing a cue or not getting one!

Trust, trust, trust. I've got to take my own advice and trust that we will get there, and once again try to relax and be patient with myself. Right now, though, I need some reinspiration

Let Go of Expectations & Just Trust

2008-04-14T17:16:00.001+10:00

I've been finding it hard to trust her and listen to her rather than tell her what she needs at any given time. Sometimes she stirs in her sleep and I misread it as a cue and take her to the potty only to unnecessarily wake her and upset her :( Other times I hold her over the potty for ages only to discover that she never needed to go. I still feel like I'm flying blind, but I am aware of the high standards I expect of myself with everything I try my hand at, so I am trying to chill out and remind myself that it's not about me or getting results, it's about listening to her.

With that in mind, yesterday I was holding a sleepy baby who slowly began to wake and decided to leave her be and probably miss a wee, but eventually she became wide awake with a look of concentration and I said to her Dad "looks like the face of someone who's considering eliminating" so I held her over the potty and almost immediately she wee'd into it.

Not long after I noticed her squirming with frustration so I offered her the potty again and she did a poo immediately. Earlier I said that I found it hard to differentiate between her different motivations behind restlessness, but I think I'm starting to get it now. When it's about poo or wee she is not just squirming or kicking, it's sort of forced, and there is tension in her movements, she seems frustrated. Still not 100% sure, but I will keep my eye on this. And on a wee that I missed I realised afterwards that I had been trying to make eye contact with her but she had been avoiding it, so that could be a sign wee is to come.

The cool milestone for the day though, was that I caught a wee in front of some friends who came to meet our baby today :) And they didn't think we were hippy freaks at all, they thought it made good sense.

Yesterday's stats: 8 wee's and 1 poo. Sadly, yesterday I missed her second poo - the first poo miss in eight days!

Dada Read Her Cues!

2008-04-13T22:52:00.001+10:00

On Friday I caught 2 big poos and 3 wees and when Dada got home he caught a poo after they were having a cuddle and she farted. He said he was wondering if she needed to go to the toilet because she was squirming around a lot and then when she farted he was sure. Yey for Dada getting it!

She had such a big poo that Huz said he didn't know if it would ever be safe to stop holding her over the potty. But she let us know when she'd had enough potty time by tensing her muscles, kicking and beginning to cry.

During the day she was lying on the bed happily kicking around, then she started to look concerned and whimper, I usually think this means she's had enough of kicking around and wants to be picked up for a cuddle but I discovered that this time it meant I'm going to pee (on you LOL).

Yesterday I caught three wee's, a poo, Dad caught a couple of wee's but missed a poo while she was in the ergo.

I also took her away from the potty because she was starting to cry and got her wee right down my leg and onto the kitchen floor. But I didn't even blink at it! Last week I would have been squealing, but I just said "sssss, wees" and got wet :D Happened on lino, so I was pretty happy about that!

Today I've caught two wee's and she hasn't poo'd yet...

"But WHY?!"

2008-04-12T01:12:00.005+10:00

I told Huz's work colleagues about elimination communication the other day and when they asked me why we do it I couldn't really put it into words effectively on the spot. I ended up talking about toilet training and children having to re-learn their elimination rhythms and sensations and general awareness as toddlers because being in nappies has disconnected them from themselves. I made it sound like we're ECing because we want to make toilet training easier on ourselves in the future *shakes head* So not the reason!

In the hope of better answering that question in the future, here is our list of reasons why we EC:

Empathy. If it were me dependent on someone else for all my needs, including elimination needs, I would prefer not to be left to sit in my drying urine and feces!

Communication. This is paramount to decent relationships. ECing strengthens communication between parent and child, with the short term benefit of decreasing washing and the long term goal of fostering a good bond between you.

Attachment. Flowing directly from communication, ECing is another way (in addition to babywearing, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, homebirth etc.) of being connected to your child. And that connection helps you to better know, understand, and respond to your child.

Honouring Instincts. Babies are born in tune with their bodies. They instinctively know when they are hungry and they instinctively know when they need to eliminate. Why disconnect a person from their instincts when you can honour those instincts?

Environmentally Friendly. Every catch equals one less dirty nappy, which means less washing, which means less water use, less electricity use. Or in the case of disposables less disposables means less land fill, less support to their production and packaging.

Because We Can! Seriously, if you know you have the power to make life a little more hygienic for your child, which will strengthen your ability to communicate with each other pre-verbally, improve your attachment to each other, honour your child's instincts, make the transition from dependent toileting to independent toileting a little smoother, and save you money and washing in the long run, why not give it a go?

Communication Is The Only Goal That Matters

2008-04-11T23:25:00.002+10:00

I think I've fallen into the trap of getting too caught up in results. Results are secondary in this process to strengthening communication. And when I focus on results I actually jeopordise the communication. For example, when she wakes up I put her on the potty as quick as possible, and quite often she doesn't want to go just because she's woken up. Sometimes she needs more time to wake up, or she needs a feed first, but I'm so focused on making a catch that I ignore her body language and sounds :(

It's about knowing my baby better and it really works! In one week I've learned that my baby doesn't slip off the breast because she's having trouble feeding or she's fussing for no reason, she's taking herself off because she feels herself needing to wee or poo (or vomit).

Woops. Wrong End!

2008-04-11T17:51:00.000+10:00

Home again today, but we've both been catching up on sleep. I was so exhausted after little sleep on Wed night and a big adventure all day Thurs that I chose to sleep rather than get up and EC when I felt her squirm this morning.

In the last 24 hours I haven't caught a wee, but I've caught quite a few big vomits LOL Yep, lots of mistaking up-chuck cues for elimination cues.

The bub is being tricksy, lots of farts but no poo to follow. So there's been quite a lot of unnecessary holding her over the potty today. I did manage to catch one biiiig poo, no fart cue, just some squirming as we played on the bed together. She was engaged in my singing and then she wasn't, so I held her over the potty. It took some time but then a massive two spurts of poo exploded. I felt sorry for her, there were some big chunks in there that can't have been fun for her little body...wonder if it was something I ate?

A Catching Lull

2008-04-10T17:50:00.000+10:00

It's been a week already! Day 7 was a big day for bub and I. We went into the city to visit Dada at work for the first time, a big trip, and a long day, coz we decided to stay at the office and come home at night with him. The big adventure threw us off our ECing game.

She was stressed out by ECing at Dad's office. New surroundings, she couldn't relax, which is fair enough.

I did catch one wee early in the morning. And she didn't end up pooing at all.

Don't Kick Your Catches Over The Carpet!

2008-04-09T17:48:00.001+10:00

Yesterday I went on to catch quite a few more wees, and when my partner got home he caught one too.

This morning she didnt have poo to catch, and as usual I woke up after she'd wee'd. She ended up pooing twice in the afternoon and I caught both in the potty.

The wee we've caught has all been caught after a sleep.

First one happened after some fussing during a feed, she had been grunting and pulling her knees up, then she came off, so I held her over the potty and it wasnt long before the spurt. Then she went back to feeding for a little while and she becomes restless again and I think it might be wee so I offer her the potty again and she farts, so I know a poo is coming, sure enough we catch the second poo.

We have a cuddle for a while, another short feed and some more of a cuddle, and she begins to squirm and throw her arms around jerkily and I mistake her jerky arm movements as a feeding cue and offer her the boob again and I get wee'd on.

I wonder if ECing with a boy is harder? I imagine it would be because of how far they can fire their wee away from themselves...when we miss my baby's wee it soaks into the towel she's on and sometimes down her back, not hard to clean up at all. What was hard to clean up was the potty full of bright orange runny breastfed baby poo I accidentally kicked onto the lounge room carpet!

I realise that I now run the risk of reading all her movements as elimination cues, as I once read them all as feeding cues. I really want to be able to discern between her various types of restlessness, but so far they all look the same...

Getting Familiar With Her Poo Cues

2008-04-08T17:46:00.000+10:00

By 9:30 this morning I had caught two poos and one wee! Today was the third day in a row that I caught a poo at around 6:30am. Again she was squirming, slowly waking up, bracing her feet against me and pushing herself upward from her feet. Didn't have to wait long for her to go once I held her over the potty and cued. She had already wee'd in her nappy.

Woke up again just after 9 to her squirming and waking again, this time she also farted, so I had a feeling more poo was coming. I was right, and she had a wee.

Her poo signals are clearer to me than her wee signals. I often think she's going to wee when she's not, she's just restless.

Caught 2 more wee's in the afternoon.

Have mainly stuck to the timing method of holding her over the potty and cueing after she's woken up.

Go Gently

2008-04-07T17:45:00.001+10:00

Read a great article that couldn't have found me at a better time. I'm feeling worn down today and have only caught one poo and two wees and feeling a little bit down about the whole process. And then read this:

Regularly, I receive enthusiastic emails from parents just discovering Natural Infant Hygiene. For example, a mother may read something I've written on the Internet. Something "clicks" with her, and she writes me, interested and excited. On the first day, she has observed her infant's elimination rhythms, and already sees a signal and catches a pee! She is amazed, convinced and elated.
Then, three or four days later, she contacts me again, feeling defeated. She has missed several pees in the last few days. She is not sure she can do this, and wonders if she's bonded enough with her baby, or whether this can even work in our society. She is using diapers part-time and worries this will harm her baby and the process. Should she quit?
I am always both saddened and surprised by how many mothers think they should "get it" the very first day or week they practice Natural Infant Hygiene. Some moms do, of course. But it's rare. For most, the process is gradual and takes several weeks, or even months, similar to developing a comfortable and secure breastfeeding relationship. Some mothers also need time to learn how to use a sling in ways which baby appreciates, or how to get a good night's sleep with a little body snuggled close...
The temptation can be great to perceive in these responsive parenting practices yet another opportunity for parental stress and guilt, another place to fall short of the mark. We certainly don't need another one of those! It is important that we learn to be very gentle with ourselves as parents, as gentle as we wish to be with our babies. In the strength of this gentleness and acceptance, we can strive forward to debunk the myths and half-truths and rediscover our instinctive resources for parenting...
Remember: You do not have to be totally tuned into your baby to begin parenting responsively. You only need to be open and willing to learn. As homeschooling advocate John Holt pointed out, "We learn to do something by doing it. There is no other way".
Communication and confidence develops as an inevitable consequence of the practice of responsive parenting, rather than being a prerequisite condition. You don't need expertise to begin, just a clear and gentle willingness to try. From Being Gentle with Ourselves While Learning Natural Parenting

On top of me feeling run down, I think our baby's going through a big development stage because I've noticed her being a bit more interactive lately, she's started crying a new sounding cry, like a little high pitched squeal. And she was rather fussy, lots of unexplainable crying today :( So I've lowered my expectations for our ECing progress for now and am very pleased with our three catches for the day.

100% Poo Catching Rate Today

2008-04-06T17:43:00.000+10:00

Couldn't do much today because we had an old friend's birthday party to go to over the other side of the city. Didn't catch any wee, but caught two poos in the morning before we left, while I was still half asleep at that! Timing method.

Got home and fed her nappy free, she started squirming, bracing her feet against me and pushing herself by her feet, then she farted, all possible poo cues. Got the potty and caught a third poo! That's 100% poo catch rate today!

We plan to give her nappy free time til we go to bed, see if we can catch some wee.

Those Magical First Catches!

2008-04-05T18:42:00.003+11:00

In the morning I wake up to a hungry squirming baby. I get up and reach for the potty which is next to the bed for convenience. I pull off her nappy to discover she has had a wee while I was still asleep, but see if she has more to do. I hold her thighs in my hands, her back and head leaning back against my chest and stomach as I sit on our bed. Nothing. She's finished her morning wee already and she is not happy about being held like this while she's hungry for booba!

We lie back down together and she feasts on me as we both drift back to sleep. Later in the morning I wake again to exactly the same situation, try again with the exact same outcome. This time we decide to start our day and get up out of bed.

Again we leave her nappy free for most of the day. When she naps in her hug-a-bub and ergo with her mum and dad we put a nappy on her.

After her nap in the ergo with her Dad I hold her over the potty again. Her nappy is dry so I'm confident she needs to wee, but I'm worried that she's stressed out by this new strange practice, she's certainly not keen on being held in the EC position. As I hold her I'm saying "Wee sssss", and to my surprise I hear drops hitting the bottom of the potty! Our first catch! It is thrilling!

Having made a catch I become more enthusiastic about the process, this ECing is fun! She then went back to a feed and a little while later I noticed a small orange stain on the towel beneath her - the famed colour of breastfed baby poo, I guess it came out with a silent fart? Anyway, I held her over the potty again, and this time I say "pooze" and make a fart sound with my lips and tounge, more commonly known as "blowing a raspberry" two or three times. And BANG! The big poo comes and I catch it!

I have a few more misses and realise that my reaction to her misses is detrimental to the process. I have a mini panic about the mess and usually say something stressful like "Oh! Oh! Oh!" It's just healthy baby poo and wee! Their wee is basically water! I don't want her associating her non-nappy elimination as something that causes drama. I challenge myself to chill out about the misses.

From now on if I notice her starting to wee or poo and the potty is not near I let her do it where she is and I calmly make "ssss" sounds or blow raspberries as she releases. I make sure to make eye contact with her as she does it and to smile.

Later in the day she has a sleep in the hug-a-bub on me, and after a couple of hours she starts to get restless, so I take her out of the wrap and she wakes. I offer her the potty but she is not interested, she is in the process of waking up and she's HUNGRY! I realise I've got to get my priorities straight. When she wakes up and makes those desperate hungry cries I should feed her rather than trying to get her to wee first.

She latches onto my breast and I put the potty between my legs beneath her. She has a fast and furious feed and then she starts to slow down, still attached, still all about the boob, but she has a poo. I had forgotten about poo, I'd been all about the "ssss" when I'd offered her the potty before. The potty is in perfect position and catches the poo while I'm still feeding her. This time her poo was just one spurt. When she comes off the boob I hold her over the potty again but she doesn't do anything.

Not long after that she's feeding again and she pees on me. I'm wondering about timing between poo and wee, and how I always wee when I go to the toilet for poo, is it similiar for her? Can I expect a wee not long after pooze? And what do I do if that is the case? It's too long between the poo and wee to keep holding her over the potty.

Later on we are lying in bed together and she's feeding. Sometimes she pulls off for no apparent reason, and until we started ECing I thought she was just struggling to attach or getting ready to vomit. She pulls off another time and when she's back on feeding she wees on the bed. This isn't unusual, most of the time when she pees on me without warning she is feeding, her Dad suggests it's because she is relaxed while feeding.

She has a sleep in the hug-a-bub on her Dad for an hour and then starts to squirm. I suggest he take her out of the wrap and try ECing for himself. He holds her over the potty and makes the wee sound, it feels like a long time that he is holding her over the potty and his legs are getting sore from squatting behind the potty on the floor, a feeling I know well by now. But she does end up weeing into the potty! Dad gets his first catch!

It's time for another feed. After the feed she lies in my arms and has a squirm and then she poos. I blow a few raspberries, lift her slightly so she doesn't get the poo on herself. I sense there's more to come so I keep doing this and sure enough she has another poo and she wees with it so I say "ssss" as well.

The night is young but we have had 5 catches and countless misses. But on the wise advice of the tribal baby website we are only counting the catches :)

Baby's Say More Than Just "Feed Me!"? No Way!

2008-04-04T18:14:00.001+11:00

I noticed during the day that our baby was starting to get nappy rash, which made me sad, and made me think about how unfair it is - she haaaates nappy changes, and they go for much longer when we need to coat her bum with soothing cream. Breastfeeding is going well, we have nowhere to go today, so it feels like the perfect time to start ECing.

I put myself on high alert. I want to recognise her elimination cues and get her to the potty before she goes. I'm feeling like she doesn't have cues, or at least I am very blind to them. She pees on me what seems like without warning!

The process is starting to make me feel like I don't know my baby at all :( I'm discovering that I mistake every little sound, movement and facial expression she does as a cry for booba. She's seven weeks old and I've only just worked out her cue for "I'm going to vomit!", for the first six weeks I'd be trying to shove a breast in her mouth as she fought to get it away so she could get her up-chuck out! I'm realising that learning to communicate about elimination is going to strengthen my connection to my baby no-end. It really is going to tune me into her and make me follow her lead rather than decide for myself what she needs and try to make her comply, like I had been doing with breastfeeding *blush*

Before going to bed I jump online to do some more reading and read the tribalbaby site which suggests starting off slow using the timing method, and learn babe's cues from that. What a great idea! That's what I'll do tomorrow.

At the end of day 1 we have no catches and too many misses to count!

Quotes That Explain EC

2008-04-03T19:07:00.002+11:00

Rather than teaching a baby to eliminate into his or her intimate clothing and cleaning up after the fact, parents learn to listen and respond in the present moment to the baby's needs and communication. From Diaper Free!

Infants are aware of elimination from birth–just observe their movements, facial expressions, and vocalizations when pooing–and often cry or give other signals to be changed. But we don't watch and listen. What if we were to do so? I have found that if we respond positively and proactively, babies will experiment, practice and learn in this regard, just as they do with other milestones such as crawling and walking.
You start by briefly whispering a watery sound such as "sssss," "pssss" or "tssss" in your baby's ear at potty time to help the child learn to associate this sound with releasing the sphincter muscles. If it's (nearly) time to go, infants can release on cue. From Potty Whisperer

This helps to establish a communication link the baby gives a sign or signal and is held out in a similar position, with the same sounds. Very quickly the baby begins to learn, and may exaggerate those signs, or may cry when he/she needs to eliminate. Likewise, the carers become more and more confident at reading those signs and responding in time to ‘catch’ the elimination. The baby learns to relax their sphincter muscles on cue, thus gaining an awareness of where the muscles are and what purpose they have, as well as an awareness of control.

As the practise progresses and the communication deepens, the carers intuition may also come into play. We can come to intuitively ‘know’ when our baby needs to eliminate and can respond accordingly. This adds a deeply satisfying element to our relationship with our babies and reminds us of the incredible energetic exchange that is taking place between carer and babe. From The Potty Shop

Natural Infant Hygiene has been described as an art, as it is a subtle dance between baby and parent. It involves constantly learning together and responding to nuances in behaviour and reinforcing them to foster stronger non-verbal communication.
The timing catches are easy to get, are regular times, such as when he wakes up and after feeds or at nappy changes.

The cue is the "sss psss" sound that lets him know when to go. The position is also a cue, as is running water. Exhaling onto his head was a cue that developed later.

The signs are the largely involuntary expressions, movements and sounds he’d regularly make when he needed to go. The uncomfortably full bladder would initially prompt these signs. Later they would become signals.

The signals come later when the baby can indicate with a voluntary action that he needs to go, such as moving towards the toilet place, using sign language, and later, speech. Even at three months he occasionally signalled a need to go by looking at the bowl. From six months several times a day he'd crawl over to the pee-bowl to signal his needs. From 12 months he regularly used vocal signals.

Intuition is when you get the feeling baby needs to go, and they do! Slow for me to respond to well, comes with experience as a combination of timing and subconscious awareness of subtle behaviours I think! I call it the "Baby Radar" or say "My Potty Sense is Tingling" when I feel he needs to go. From Tribal Baby

Perfection is not the aim – communication is...
It was empowering for my confidence, knowing one more way to respond to and HELP my baby. Saving nappies is secondary to this wonderful benefit - communicating with my baby...
Just as weaning is not the aim of breastfeeding, it is the bonding, nurturing, nutrition, and protection it confers - with EC, the aim is to care for baby’s hygiene needs in the present moment – ‘now’, rather than later when it is perhaps more convenient to me...
Toilet independence is merely the result of a natural process of development and practise from birth, just as weaning is the natural result of a breastfeeding relationship. The baby does not require ‘toilet training’ as their natural awareness in nurtured through infancy and beyond. All babies have the instincts that my baby has. We can practise and encourage this awareness, ‘tuning in’ to these instincts during their early months before they fade and baby ‘learns’ to go only into their nappy by five to six months. From Tribal Baby
The Potty Whisperer No-Nos:

no punishment
no pressure
no coercion
no shaming
no competition
no showing off
no obsessing
no perfectionism
no rushing toilet learning
no attachment to time goals
no negativity
From The Potty Whisperer

Pre-poo-escent Thoughts

2008-04-03T18:04:00.002+11:00

We've wanted to practice elimination communication since our baby was born, but we were preoccupied and a little overwhelmed by all the new things we had to learn with a new baby, so we decide to leave it for the first few weeks and settle into parenthood first. The first week involves some breastfeeding dramas so we set the time to start ECing for when our breastfeeding relationship is hassle free.

So what is it? Click Here For The Scoop

When I first heard about ECing it really spoke to me because I kept thinking about how I might feel as a baby in a nappy - ick! And it made sense to me because I always know when I need to go to the toilet, so of course a baby would (probably moreso because all the sensations are so new and big to their fresh little bodies). Reading about it also reminded me of hanging out with my sister and baby niece and how my sister always knew when her daughter was pooing because of the face she pulled during.

So here is our ECing diary....