EC Journey End

It's been a while since we checked in here! Our daughter is only four months shy of 2 years now! ECing has been few and far between. She took to protesting strongly at the use of the potty, so we stopped offering the potty and have been using cloth nappies full time.

We keep the potty around and offer it to her at nappy changes or when she points to her nappy or says "poo" (she is fascinated with her poo, by the way), but a lot of the time she just wants to have a chat about nappies and poo rather than actually needing to do any or be changed LOL.

So we had approximately 6 months of full time EC success, another 6 of part-time EC and since around her first birthday we've been full-time nappy users :) I don't consider this unsuccessful or a waste of time. I think the insights I gained from our EC journey will help us when the time comes to re-learn how to use the potty and the toilet. We intend to EC the next child, whenever that may be and will resume blogging here when the time comes, but until then it's farewell from us.

The blog will stay here for all to read and hopefully it offers other families some insight into EC and the links provided will be of use :)

Peace, love & poo catching to all *waves goodbye*

Elimination Communication With A 1 Year Old

I've been neglecting this blog because there really hasn't been much to report. We're plodding along, content with part-time ECing. We catch almost every poo, and the older she gets the more obvious her poo signals become. We catch all her wee's after she has had a sleep and most of the one's after she's had a feed. Her wee signaling never really returned after she learned to crawl, so we've stuck to the timing catches and little more.

Recently she has decided she prefers not to use the potty and prefers to be held, the way we used to do it when she was a wee baby (no pun intended lol). She really loves having a mirror in front of herself when she's ECing so that she can see our faces too. She finds it much easier to relax when we're smiling at her through a mirror, and also it provides enough distraction so she doesn't get bored. It is a bit of a struggle to kepe her sitting on the potty during her business when she is so on-the-go and interested in the world around her, she doesn't want to sit still when there is so much to do.

We've had a couple more milestone funny moments. Now that she can stand she has done a couple of standing up poos, one when we weren't ready lol. I also had the pleasure of stepping in a number 2 miss the other day, ewwwww.

We will continue with our part-time ECing until she eases into toilet use over the next couple of years. If we get back to our successful cue reading we had in the early days that will be great, but we really don't mind if things stay as they are.

The important thing to us is that the communication remains open and she still has some awareness of her elimination instincts, which has been consistent since she was a newborn. She is familiar with the sensation of eliminating on the potty and other forms of eliminating outside of her pants, so the toilet will never be a terribly new concept to her. Since we've achieved those two things we class ours as an EC success story.

(photo: Mum & Bub ECing shortly after Bub's 1st birthday party).

Offer The Potty

I need a self-reminder! So here goes:

• If she pulls off the breast but I know her to be hungry or tired and still wanting to suckle, offer the potty, not the other breast.

• If she tries to pull off her nappy, looks down at her nappy thoughtfully or is just generally playing with her nappy, offer her the potty.

• If we are lying down to feed and she gets onto her hands and knees and begins to sleepily crawl/stumble away offer the potty.

• If she is "winging" for "no reason" offer the potty.

• If she is suddenly gets herself onto her hands and knees (or hands and one knee), stops, and is silent/concentrating offer the potty QUICKLY!

I think we might be back in the EC game, I think her new post-becoming-mobile cues are becoming clear to me.

Online EC Support & Info

A friend asked me if I knew of any online forums devoted to elimination communication. I did not. So I googled on her behalf and found the following resources:

OzNappyfree

"This group is to provide a predominantly Australian and New Zealand source of information, contact and support about natural infant elimination methods (elimination communication, natural infant hygiene etc) for parents raising their babies in this way and those who wish to learn more about it."

Elimination Communication List
International email list run by yahoo about elimination communication and gentle parenting more generally.

Natural Infant Hygiene Group
"This group is for those parents and prospective parents interested in a diaperless lifestyle for their baby. Natural Infant Hygiene, also known as Infant Potty Training and Elimination Communication (EC) is the practice of tuning into and responding to your baby's elimination cues in a timely and compassionate way. It is the primary way of tending to the elimination needs of infants in many (if not most) non-western cultures...This group is for parents who want to exchange ideas, ask questions and provide support with other parents practicing Natural Infant Hygiene. Both those new to the concept and veterans of it are most welcome. The only rule is to stick to the topic of Natural Infant Hygiene, and to be respectful of one another."

Infant Potty Training for Late Starters
"'Late Starters' assumes your child is older that 6 months and even likely older than one year (in which case the above is even more important and should be given some thought). When starting after 6 months, we tend to have different questions and concerns than parents who start in early infancy." This is another yahoo group.

Some more elimination communication blogs:

Happy Pottying!

Elimination Communication: The Journey

Elimination Communication Journal

Playing Potty

I’m starting to feel like we are getting somewhere again (I mean since her growth and development spurt which saw to an EC strike). We still can't see any signals before she wees or poos so we are relying on the timing method. I've noticed that the breaks between when she wees or poos when wearing her nappy have become longer. It's like she's holding on for the potty, she definitely prefers not to do it in her nappy if she can help it and it seems like she is developing the ability to do that (our baby is approaching 9 months of age).

To ensure she still eliminates regularly the way that she feels most comfortable we offer her the potty regularly minus her signals. Usually when she is offered the potty she uses it.

She also enjoys playing with her potty if it's nearby. She beats on it like a drum with her hands or a toy - potty's make a good sound apparently. I think allowing her to play with the potty in her own ways is a good thing because it becomes even more a normal part of her life. The playing familiarises her with it. We make sure that it is clean at all times (emptying and washing with detergent after every wee or poo) so that is safe for her to play with.

Another thing we have noticed/had a laugh about is how fascinated she is with her wee. On occasion during nappy free time on her playmat we notice her sitting with her legs apart, looking down and swaying her legs back and forth. Closer inspection reveals that she is swishing wee back and forth with her legs lol. We have always made it to the mat with a wipe before her hands have joined in on the fun....so far....;)

Great Website About EC

One of the members of Nappy Free Babes on Ravelry sent me a link to this website about elimination communication, it's really terrific for newcomers to EC:

http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/elimination-communication.html

It includes the authors EC journal, info about ECing postitions and ECing on the go, and how to EC an older baby.

A Tuned In Day

I love days like today. Today I felt really in-tune with my baby. When we got up at 9am she was wet, we moved into the lounge room and I offered her the potty, she did a wee and then I wiped and put a fresh nappy on her. Then we had breakfast, got dressed and headed out for the day at 10am.

Almost all of todays EC catches were based on the timing method. Whenever she woke up from a sleep I would take her to a toilet and she would wee into it. Or if we had been walking for a while (which means her sitting in her sling for a while) I would make a toilet stop for her and catch again. None of todays catches were based on her signals - I am still feeling lost when it comes to signals at the moment. But the really cool thing that happened today was I made an instinctual catch.

I was in a book store and I took bub out of her sling to let her crawl around for a little while, as I took her out I said "I bet you're wet" and felt her nappy and I swear it was wet. So off we went to the toilet, only when we got there I discovered I had totally hallucinated the wet nappy! She was dry as could be. I offered her the toilet and caught another wee. We were both smiling and I wondered what it was that made me think she was wet/needed to go?

From before 10am until 4pm today my baby wore the one clean and dry cloth nappy! Just like underpants.

Bubba Mat - an ECer's Dream

I've mentioned before that we aren't a nappy free family. We use cloth nappies on our baby like adults use underwear. We do this mainly because we live in house that is heavily carpeted and it's a rental. If it were our own house we wouldn't care so much about misses ending up on the floor (and if it were our house we'd make it EC friendly, ie. carpert free). The combination of using nappies and baby going on strike during her growth spurts means that we've had a lot of misses of late and have struggled to learn any of her emerging elimination signals. To get us back on track we felt like we needed to have some nappy free time.

Then we discovered the Bubba Mat at our city's annual baby expo yesterday. Now most of our loungeroom is covered with this soft brightly coloured mat which bub can roam nappy free and if we have any misses it's not trouble at all to clean.

Not only is it great for nappy free time, the mat offers something soft for bub to fall onto. Now that she's crawling and sitting up she tends to fall over and bump her head on the floor. And when our daughter starts eating she can make as much mess as she likes on the mat.

Just What I Needed To Hear...

Thank-you to one of the women at Nappy Free Babes on Ravelry for sharing this quote from Diaper Free! by Ingrid Bauer:

“Your baby needs to be in close contact with you, to have your attention and be responded to. But if catching every pee becomes an obsession, you may be missing the point and the sweetness of this practice and the relationship. It’s important to remember that this is just one way of meeting your baby’s needs and not an outcome-based reflection of your parenting. A strong relationship, not a perfect track record, is the goal.

If you recognize yourself in this position, the most helpful thing to do is to take a step back and detach. No matter how hard it seems. Breathe. Try to bring your attention to being present for your baby. Focus on the relationship, not on the outcome. If necessary, take a short break from Elimination Communication. Trust your child in her process. Try to let go of all emotional charge to her actions. Expect that she wants to and is doing her very best. Don’t praise her excessively if she goes, and don’t make her wrong if she doesn’t. Deal with accidents completely calmly and neutrally. Pee your baby if you think she needs to, but immediately respect and signs of a “No.” Try again later, and always respect the “No.”

And, here’s the ultimate and ongoing parenting lesson: Reach for that place deep inside where you can let go of any desire to control your child or what happens. That’s when you can truly be in the moment and respond.”

Beautifully said!

And this reminder could not have come at a better time as we are facing the big developmental stages of teething and crawling, the offset of which is far more misses than when she was younger and more obvious in her communication about elimination.

Crawling & EC: A Diabolical Mix

On the weekend I was helping our baby poo into her potty, when she finished I looked away for a second to grab a cloth to wipe her bottom with, and when I looked back she had leant foward and got herself off the potty onto her hands and knees. And just like that she (and the pooey bum I was trying to clean) crawled away. Her first crawl!

Since then ECing has been a lot more labour intensive. Baby rarely wants to spend the amount of time it takes to do a poo on her potty. She'd prefer to poo on the go, which is just not on in a house with carpet LOL. I'm finding that it takes a couple of "goes" to EC with number twos now. I sit her on her potty and she does a little bit, then tries to stand up or crawl off the potty when I know there's more to come. So we take a brief break, wipe, get back on the potty.

Despite being able to sit on the potty she still requires support. Sometimes she prefers for me to hold her over the potty. Sometimes she is happy to sit there with me beside or behind her.

I am finding that ECing a crawling baby does require a little more patience than ECing the pre-mobile bub. But we have no intention of stopping, it's just a regular part of our day now. And crawling in itself demands more patience from parents and can be a trial, but I'm not going to try and make her stop for my own convenience. Parenting just don't work like that! :)

PS. For readers who use nappies October 13 - 19 is Reusable Nappy Week!

I learned the following from their facts and figures page:

"Every disposable nappy ever dumped still exists today as they take centuries to break down.
Washing/hanging out/putting away nappies for a bub in cloth full time takes 7 minutes a day - less time than it takes to go to the store and return home with a box of disposable nappies...

1.375 Billion disposable nappies used annually in Australia and New Zealand
3.75 Million disposable nappies dumped every single day in these 2 nations alone!
3 Million trees felled every year to make disposable nappies for Australia / New Zealand.

50% of total household waste will be disposable nappies, in a household with 1 baby using disposable nappies full time.
7 times better for the environment, reusable nappies compared to one use nappies.
2 Tonnes of landfill created by each baby in disposable nappies full time.
1 degree hotter the average temperature of a boy's testicles in a disposable nappy - possibly related to increases in infertility and testicular cancer of the last 25 years."

What's That I see In The Potty?

But of course! It's a pee.

Monkey See, Monkey EC

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that we were staying with some friends whose 23 month old son (turning 2 this month!) brought the potty to me when he saw me take my baby's nappy off and was quite fascinated with the whole EC process. Well today I got an email from my friend including photographs of her son ECing one of his dolls :)

Awww.

More Potty Pics

We've been using the potty for a couple of weeks now and it's going well. She sits on it by herself, and we sit by her ready to grab her when she tries to stand up to get off :)

We're still experiencing quite a few misses on account of her growth spurt but remain calm and happy with the process on the whole.

(Please excuse the up-chuck on her face in the pics, she likes to start off eliminating with a burp a lot of the time LOL).

6 Months Old & Using The Potty

Our daughter did a wee and a poo in the potty today. Not a big deal given that we have caught plenty of wee and poo of hers in the potty before. The big deal is that today she sat on the potty and did a wee.

Recently I've noticed she's been getting a bit heavy for me to hold patiently and calmly over bowls and sinks for too long. So this week while staying with friends who have two tots, one who uses a potty, we started trying out sitting on the potty.

I lower her onto the potty, still supporting her thighs in my hands, then let her rest her weight on the potty, with my hands gently touching her underneath her thighs, so if she needs help I'm right there. She eliminates, and then starts kicking her legs out and moving as if she wants to stand up. This is her way of letting me know she's done. I lift her back off the potty, wipe, and dress her again.

My friend's 23 month old actually brought the potty to us when he saw me taking off my daughter's nappy. And she pooped with two tots standing by, smiling at her and excitedly observing "baby potty" and "baby weeing, baby pooing".

In other news she cut her first tooth on Saturday! And she has now moved on to trying to crawl (complete with her 23 month old friend cheering "come on!")

The Growth Spurt Strike

EC has become a part time operation for our family at the moment. Since beginning the teething process our daughter's signals have changed and we have yet to catch-on to her new methods of communication. We are confident that we'll get back on track at some stage, but for now going part-time is what's working for us.

Experiencing a challenging period of communication with EC is sort of a blessing because it makes us look back and appreciate the times in the past that have been easy. I have also heard that it is fairly standard for babies to go on a bit of an EC strike during major stages of development such as getting teeth learning how to walk.

Tribal Baby Org Says:

Teething pain plays havoc with his signalling and level of cooperation.

Bilingual Baby Says:

That really threw me for a loop. I read on the Mothering.com EC forum about how teething can cause misses. As could starting to crawl, learning to walk, learning to talk, and any other developmental stage.

Dr Sarah Buckley Says:

Maia went ‘on strike’, coinciding with teething and beginning to crawl. She stopped signalling clearly and at times actively resisted being "weed." I took it gently, offering opportunities to eliminate when it felt right and not getting upset when, after refusing to go in the laundry tub, she went on the floor. Even on "bad days," though, we still had most poos in a bowl, bucket or the toilet.

Our daughter is teething, has just learned to sit-up independently and appears to be on the verge of learning to crawl. So we understand that it is completely normal for EC to steer off course for a little while. We are still making a couple of catches every day, usually based on the timing method (eg. holding her in position over a catching bowl or bucket when she wakes up, or after some time on one of us in her carrier). But we are having nowhere near the number of catches or good communication that we were having a month or so ago.

Having read the wise words of parents who have EC'd before us (as quoted above) we remain calm and confident about our poo catching future. In the meantime we are enjoying these growth spurts and watching our little baby blossom into a little person.

EC Moments

• At a hotel Daddy EC's bubba girl but doesn't quite get his aim on target and BANG baby poop gets spurted into the complimentary toiletries basket instead of the sink.

• Out shopping Mummy misses baby's cues and feels her bub wee into her nappy. Changes her nappy where she is and gets told off by a cleaning woman full of her own importance for not doing it in the change room. Mummy giggles to self about what cleaning lady might have to say if she'd noticed the cues and made a catch in the nearby rubbish bin?

• While ECing at home baby girl leans back and reaches up, she flicks Mummy's hair back and forth, mesmorised by it, and makes fascinated baby-talk sounds.

And coming soon: an article about ECing from a father's perspective and an article about ECing when parenting more than one child (my critics think I have too much time on my hands with one baby and I EC to fill the void, so I've asked another mother who EC's to write about it).

Some Folk Read On The Toilet, Others....

Eat their socks!

Impressed with the multi-tasking? ECing a babe in one hand, photographing it with the other :)

Myths Relating To EC

Below are some of the more common myths about EC that I have come across. If you can think of any others please comment and I'll add them to the list :)

MYTH 1. It's about training babies to eliminate when it is convenient for parents.
EC does not involve any baby training. It simply nurtures a baby's natural awareness of her urge to eliminate, and encourages her to let her parents know when she feels these urges. For more on this click here.

MYTH 2. Babies don't know when they need to eliminate until they are already doing it.
If you take note of the way a baby moves and the sounds she makes minutes before she soils her nappy, a pattern of behaviour will become clear to you. Quite often when a baby seems frustrated she is actually telling you she feels the urge to eliminate coming on.

MYTH 3. There is not enough time between when a baby lets you know she needs to eliminate and getting her into position over a potty, bowl, toilet, or sink.
There is :) Especially if you have your bub in EC friendly clothing.

MYTH 4. It's messy.
My partner and I were surprised to discover it was far cleaner to EC than use nappies. There is little to no mess to wipe off your baby because it has all dropped below her rather than against her skin. And your potty, bowl, or sink can be quickly rinsed with water, or your toilet flushed, and hey presto you're done. Unexpected baby vomit is worse, and happens more often! :D

MYTH 5. Children who EC struggle to move to toileting independence. This myth really confuses me! If anything EC kids will find the transition to toileting independence easier and quicker than nappy kids because they have not lost the awareness they have about when they need to eliminate. I think this myth comes from people's understanding that EC involves more parent than child training, and thus some people assume that the child doesn't learn anything. In fact the child learns that:

• her parents are listening to her and will respond to her communication,
• the sensations she is feeling inside of her equal the need to wee or poo,
• when she needs to wee and poo just let mum or dad know and they'll help keep me clean and dry,
• wee and poo is something you do into an object separate from herself and her clothing,

These are all things non-EC parents need to help their children learn as toddlers when it's time to toilet train. EC children grow up with this knowledge and experience rather than having it introduced to them two, three, or four years later.

MYTH 6. It's time consuming.
Often when people criticise my partner and I for ECing they say "too much time on their hands", "get a life". It really takes little time at all to EC, and if you count nappy buying, cleaning, drying, and disposing of, EC actually takes far less time. It can take time to learn your baby's signals, just as it takes time to learn anything new, but you will probably be surprised by how quickly you get it, and once you do, you'll never look back.

And as far as "getting a life" goes, almost all parents prioritise the well-being of their children in their own lives. They tune into their babies eating and sleeping needs, ever ready to comfort their children when hurt or distressed. Parents who EC are exactly the same, except that they also include tuning in and responding to their children's elimination urges as part of their everyday nurturing.

MYTH 7. It's not EC if you use nappies at all. It is entirely possible to practice EC and have your baby in nappies if you are nervous about getting misses on the floor. It is easier to EC without nappies because you notice the misses immediately, and you learn your baby's cues quicker. But as long as you are watching and listening for your baby's elimination cues, and responding to the cues by holding your baby over a bucket, potty, toilet, sink, bowl, or ground outside, it still counts as EC.

MYTH 8. EC is too hard to bother with if you have more than one child. This myth is based on the assumption that parents who EC have too much time on their hands. It is entirely possible to EC your baby while caring for their older siblings. The friend who introduced me to EC was practicing EC with her baby and caring for a spirited two year old at the same time. I also know of a family with seven children who EC'd their baby and toilet trained the next two youngest children! Older children can be great at understanding and recognising their baby sibling's elimination cues and can be terrific help to EC parents.

Interested in Knitting? Interested in EC?

Then I've got good news for you! April and I have started a group on Ravelry, the ultimate online network for knitters, for all those who want to knit EC friendly clothes:

And, since I can't really make April my knitting slave, and she is currently my only source of custom made EC friendly clothing, I have taken up the challenge to learn how to knit for myself. So far I have managed to cast on. The knit stitch remains elusive, but I have high hopes for mastering it soon...ish...

EC is NOT Toilet Training!

"They treat their children like dogs! Training them to poo in response to commands!"
---
"Oh look at your daughter! She's weeing on demand. What a good girl!"
---
"It doesn't seem very natural to me to make your child go to the toilet on cue"

Above are all comments I have heard others make about elimination communication. And each comment is based on a misunderstanding of EC. Elimination communication is NOT about training a child to wee or poo on demand for parental convenience (although it can be coincidentally convenient to parents). The purpose and aim of elimination communication is to foster communication between parent and child and to maintain and nurture the child's natural awareness of her elimination urges.

Personally, I object to the term "infant potty/toilet training" to refer to EC because it does not accurately reflect elimination communication. EC is about communicating about elimination! Parents who practice EC do not treat their children like animals or use Pavlovian techniques to condition their children to wee or poo on cue. Rather, parents watch and listen to their children closely and learn their children's natural body language and sounds which they make when they are about to wee or poo.

ECing parents who make a sound while their children wee or poo (and not all do) do so to help strengthen their child's awareness of how it feels to eliminate. If this awareness is kept strong within children they remain clear in their communication to their parents that it is time to make a catch. In addition to maintaining strong elimination awareness in infants, making a sound (such as "sssss") while the child wees or poos helps the child to relax her body and therefore helps her release her elimination because of the association she has with weeing and pooing and that sound.

When a silly nurse said my daughter was weeing on demand I pointed out that it was the other way around; I was catching her wee on cue. If anything, EC is about parent training :)

Training or conditioning a baby to wee and poo at times based purely on parental convenience is not natural or gentle or empathetic. Parents who practice this kind of infant training are not communicating with their children, because communication is a two way street.