Instinctual Misses

This has happened to me about a thousand times in the past couple of weeks, but I am only now beginning to realise it. I will be holding my daughter and thinking about her weeing, then I will feel as if she has wet herself, I feel her nappy becoming wet against me. Then I hesitate and doubt and begin to realise that she hasn't wee'd and I usually ask her about it, and say something like "did you do a wee?" and she looks up at me blankly and I realise she hasn't, but then she does one.

Up until today I have been dismissing these moments as murphy's law misses, but I am beginning to understand that my instincts have been growing stronger as we continue with our EC journey. It's no coincidence that I imagine her eliminating right before she does.

I am rather in awe of this latest discovery. When we decided to practice elimination communication I knew it would be great for fostering her instincts, I was skeptical about it having any impact on my own. Now I know better. I just have to start listening and trusting those instincts and offering her the tub even if I am just imagining her eliminating.

Tinkle

Today something rather cool happened. I was holding my baby in my hands around her little body when I felt a tinkling sensation vibrate from inside her out to my hands! I thought "hmm, I bet that's wee making it's way down." So I held her over her catching tub and eureka, I was right.

Understanding Her Language

We have had such good communication today! So far we've only missed one, which I knew was going to happen because I recognised her signals, but she was in the wrap, almost asleep, and I was dashing down the street, so I let it go and changed her when we got a chance.

What was really amazing about today was how clearly I could understand what she was telling me. When we got home she needed to wee. She was tensing her legs, arching her back so she was like a stiff little board and she was making frustrated little moans at me. I held her over her EC tub and caught a wee, then wiped her and lied her down in front of me for a play. As I lied her down she moaned at me in a way that was so obvious it was as if she had opened her mouth and said "I'm not done Mama" in plain English! So I picked her up again and held her over her tub and bang caught another one. This happened a few more times. This afternoon she's been doing lots of little wees every ten or fifteen minutes.

She will still go when she needs to if I don't respond quickly enough to her communication these days, but she prefers to be held over her tub, or a sink or bowl or toilet. She will tense and squeal (she has a squeal she does with her mouth shut that general means "EC time!") and as soon as we hold her in position over her tub she relaxes and goes (and usually has a little chat to us while she is going, cute little baby sounds that mean "aaah that's better." and "I doin'k a wee".

And we have replaced our old catching bowl with the tupperwear at home as well as when we are on the go. But I plan to give our review of the catching items a post of its own later.

EC Travel Kit

Until today whenever our bub has needed to wee or poo while we're out and about we have taken her to a toilet, or held her over some grass. This system meant that at my first mother's group meet I kept having to get up and leave the group to take bubs to the toilet. But today, for some reason, I remembered seeing something about a travel kit on another EC website, but I can't remember exactly where. So I created my own.

My EC kit is very simple: 1 medium to large container for the catches, 1 (or 2) smaller containers to store the wee catches until you find a toilet, and a face washer for wiping.

I have been using this system for three hours and it has been fantastic! Today at mother's group I sat on the floor with my bub and neither of us missed a single minute of discussion. When I spotted a cue I put the large container under her and caught her wee, wiped her, poured the wee out of the bigger container into one of the small one's and sealed the small one shut and give the big container a quick wipe too. At the end of the group meet (after about three or four wees) I tipped the contents of the small container into the toilet and flushed, rinsed both containers with water, dried with a face washer and put the tupperwear back in my bag.

If I were walking around and couldn't tip the contents down a toilet immediately I could seal the small container, put it inside the big container and seal that too, put it in my bag and forget about it until we were near a toilet.

Not only was it super convenient, it was a great way of naturally introducing my new acquaintances to elimination communication.

More From April's EC Collection

Okay, so strictly speaking these items of clothing are not EC specific, they are a dress and beanie and of course leg warmers (there's nerry an outside shot in the colder weather that my babe shan't be in her leg warmers :D) but they are still EC friendly clothes. And more importantly they are a gorgeous gift from the gracious and talented April which make my bub look even more adorable than usual (who'd 'ave thought that was possible?!)

Please excuse how tired the bub is in these shots, seconds after they were taken she had a biiig sleep in her woven wrap :)

I absolutely love this dress and hat set, gorgeous colours, gorgeous designs. I especially love that the hat has something 1920sesque about itself (as my partner observed). I'm a big fan of the 20s and all things flapper. I even do the Charleston and play the clarinet :D

And here we are out and about our niece's second birthday in her special outfit

The EC Catwalk

My bub's too sexy for her nappy, and she shakes her nudey tush on the catwalk.

I've been meaning to post about baby clothing and EC, but I thought I'd wait until I had some snaps of our bub in her special ECing fashion which was hand made by April.

Most of the time my bub wears jumpsuits, long sleeved on cold days and short sleeved on hot days, but we leave them undone, so she wears jumpsuits like shirts (see picture below). This is mainly because we have struggled to find many baby sized shirts.

As I've mentioned previously our bub isn't completely nappy free, we use nappies like underwear. So most of the time she has a hemp or bamboo cloth nappy on her butt. On cold days when we head outside she wears a long sleeved jumpsuit undone, a nappy and one of the little pairs of pants we have - all of which were inherited from friends. It's a little bit annoying having her in pants because it means another layer to take off when we EC on the go. Dresses would be better than pants, but that leaves little legs exposed to the weather. In my opinion the ECer's best friend are baby sized leg warmers. Cue April...

April is a very talented craftswoman who was keen to make our bub a welcome-to-the-world gift. Among other things, April made our daughter some little leg warmers which are my new favourite thing in the world.

I love the colour she chose, it will go with everything! Now when we go out into the world we can EC and keep our babe warm without having to muck around with layers of clothing! Every Christmas, every birthday, every baby I am going to request baby sized leg warmers from friends and family :D

But that's just what happens in my family. To find out what other items are on the EC catwalk in other families check out the following links:
The EC Store
Tribal Baby on Clothing
The Potty Shop Items

Q & A with R&A

I received a comment from R&A asking some questions about EC that I thought I'd answer in a post of its own rather than tacking onto the comments section of another post. This way more readers can benefit from our discussion as opposed to just those subscribed to one post :)

What did you dress your baby in? I'll have mine in August so I'm thinking we'll just do naked/loose swaddle for the first while, while we learn baby's cues. After that we could wear diapers or naked-in-sling if I can watch for cues and then remove it quickly.

We didn't begin ECing until she was 7 weeks old, in the early days we didn't feel confident adding yet another new thing to the list of skills we needed to learn, so we just had our baby in infant sized all-in-one cloth nappies. Next baby I think we will start from birth because I think it will be much easier to learn her cues then rather than later. An ECing friend of mine did begin from birth and she would have her bub nappy free on a nappy and that's how they did their early catches.

Our bub is not actually nappy free, although she has lots of nappy free time. We use cloth nappies like underwear. You can actually buy baby sized undies made especially for ECers, but we already had nappies so we didn't bother with another expense. Like you said, we have her in a nappy which we pull off when we see a cue and put back on after a catch and a wipe. But we are also having her in nappies in her slings mainly because we use them so much that we can't risk having more than one in the wash at a time. And I've noticed that our baby doesn't like to wake up to get out of her sling to do a wee, she will squirm and if we take her out of the sling to catch she wakes up very upset with us, so we let the sleepy sling one go :)

If you do decide to have your baby in nappies for underwear make sure you use cloth rather than disposable because you will notice wetness far quicker in cloth than disposable and you want your baby to be familiar with that wet feeling so she will let you know when she feels it and you can change her. This way she learns that having poo and wee in your pants isn't something normal that she has to put up with :)

While on the subject of nappies, I should mention that we no longer use all-in-one's or put covers over her bamboo and hemp clothies. The reason being that we wouldn't realise immediately if we had missed a wee or poo when she was in covers or the all-in-one's. Other than that, when buying nappies just make sure you feel they could come off and on fairly quickly. I don't know much about all the nappies there are in the world, ours have press studs on them, and the newborn ones had velcro.

As for clothing avoid jumpsuits with long legs and feet, they are too hard to get off and on for an ECer (actually, even when we weren't ECing they were bloody hard work!). Our baby mainly wears jumpsuits that have press studs at the croutch that we leave undone, although we could do them up because her cues give us enough time to undo three press studs, pull of a nappy and get her over the bowl.

The best clothing in my opinion are shirts, coupled with baby sized leg warmers and socks and booties during the cold weather. Dresses also work well. Presently we don't have a lot of EC friendly baby clothes, except for a few items the lovely April made us, so we tend to half dress bub in the stuff we do have (eg with full length jumpsuits, we put her arms in and do up the first few studs, but leave the legs dangling undone behind her back).

There are places that make baby clothes especially for ECing families. Check out these links:
http://www.theecstore.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=170
http://www.tribalbaby.org/ECClothing.html
http://www.thepottyshop.com.au/potty-bowls-clothing-and-other-items.php

And what about nighttimes? (what to wear) - did you use a bowl for nighttimes or just keep changing a dry towel?

ECing wouldn't be possible throughout the night without the family sharing a bed, but you'd probably already figured that out. During the night she is dressed exactly the same as during the day, we do still use the bowl for night time catches, but we find that she doesn't eliminate much, if at all, during the night.

We do sleep on a towel or blanket, but not because of ECing, because of my bountiful breasts which tend to soak the mattress overnight.

Sometimes I don't wake up fast enough to make a catch, but will change the nappy for her comfort. Most of the time her squirming stirs me and I wake up to find a little bub giving me signals and I make a catch with my eyes still half shut and in the morning I wonder if I dreamed it.

How did you do it while using a baby carrier? Just watch for cues and pop her out?

Yep. Our baby generally sleeps in her baby carriers though, so she doesn't often eliminate in them, and the times when she does she is usually still asleep so I don't pull her out because it's more important to me that she have a rest and be peaceful in her slings than it is to whip her out and make a catch. I learned that the hard way! I used to pull her out for the catches when she'd squirm, but she'd be so unhappy about it!

When she is awake in her carriers we watch for cues, generally they take the form of her trying to stand up, or pushing her feet against the carrier. And then we'd pull her out, hold her over the catching bowl, make a catch and then pop her back in her carrier.

Am I thinking along the right lines?

You sure are. As long as you are thinking "I am going to listen to my baby and try to understand what she is telling me" you are thinking along the right lines (not just for ECing!). Don't get caught up in counting the misses, go by the motto "communication is the goal, not perfection". Misses are successes too because they help you become that little bit more familiar with your bub - I found so many times I'd miss a wee or poo and realise that I had been wondering if she was about to eliminate just before she did! So even though technically those were misses, they were also successes.

Don't beat yourself up if you are feeling like you struggle to understand your baby, it doesn't mean you are less of a mother, and every mother feels that way at some point. Remember that communication is a never ending process, some days you will be better at it than others and the same goes for your bub.

You will have days where you feel inspired and ECing is lots of fun, but you will also have low energy days when you'll think yourself mad for not going the mainstream route. On those days come here and re-read, and check out the websites linked to the right, and they will help re-motivate you. I found that on the one day when I thought about giving up reading the tribal baby website was all I needed to pick myself up.

All these answers are specific to my family, what suits us and our baby's persoanlity. You will find all the practicalities will sort themselves out to fit into what is best for you and your family. ECing really is simply a matter of knowing and listening your bub :)

Natural Learning & Toilet Independence

I was thinking about how we learn naturally, and it struck me that the way our society "trains" children to use the toilet is in stark contrast to the way they learn everything else up to that point in their little lives.

Take talking for example. Children learn to talk by spending time with adults while they talk. They watch, listen, emulate, and eventually speak independently. Walking and eating are other examples, they see us standing and walking and want to try it for themselves, they start out by adults holding them steady, they take their first steps with their parents holding their hands above them, and eventually they take some steps on their own and with practice they become steady and speedy. Their first experiences with food other than breastmilk is watching us eat and then reaching out to try it themselves. Monkey see, monkey do! That's my understanding of natural learning. But our society treats learning about elimination very differently.

Firstly, it is less likely that a child gets to watch their parents use the toilet (unless you have a close family, but in my mainstream family parental toilet time was very much behind closed doors). That puts a big obstacle in the way of a child learning how to use the toilet in my opinion. Sure, we adults tell them how to do it, but that is so different to learning from seeing it everyday. Parents using the toilet is not a part of the child's everyday activities like walking, talking, and eating are, in most families.

Having said that, this is not the case in the family I'm creating. I frequently take my baby girl into the toilet with me when we are home alone, she usually watches me from her bouncer, sometimes she is in a sling or a wrap on me.

By practicing elimination communication, toileting is something that the child does with her parents every day for as long as she can remember. As with walking a child in an ECing family experiences her first eliminations into the toilet in the supportive hands of her parents. And it happens so early in her life that she doesn't ever remember not using a toilet or potty of some description, just like she doesn't remember learning to walk.

There is no sudden or drastic changes introduced to the life of an EC'd child when it comes to toileting independence. Gradually they make their way from being supported on the potty by parental hands, to using it on their own.


To read a related entry click here

Celebrating Our 1 Month ECing Anniversary In Style

We have been ECing for one month today. We actually had a formal ceremony to welcome our daughter to the world today. But before the ceremony, before the guests began arriving Dada was sitting on the couch with our nappy free babe and I was kneeling before them holding her catching bowl beneath her and between her Dad's legs. We waited and we waited and we waited, but alas no wee came. So Dad stopped holding her in the EC position and I took the bowel away and just as I began saying "I guess we read her signals wrong" she did a great big wee all over her Dad :D

Relaxing

The second most important part of the ECing process is relaxing (the first is communication, it's all in the name :D). I've noticed that our baby can't wee or poo unless she is relaxed. This is why quite often she wees during a feed, or cries if we offer her the potty straight after she's woken up if she hasn't eaten yet.

Tonight we knew that she needed to wee but as her Dad held her over the catching bowl she wouldn't wee. We waited patiently and spoke softly to her about needing to wee, occasionally we made her cue sound "ssss". Eventually she did an enormous burp and then the wee came shooting out. She was obviously waiting until the discomfort of wind passed before letting her lower body relax into doing a wee. Having observed that I feel that I know her a little better than I did before.

I think the element of relaxation (no doubt coupled with communication) makes EC such a gentle parenting choice. My daughter is on a very different, and much more pleasant, journey toward toileting independence than my own.