Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Feeling Bummed Out

The past couple of days have been hard. I have caught so many up-chucks and missed so many wees and a couple of poos. I've also become awesome at catching farts, for all the good that's worth! *sigh* The last 24 hours she's been very gassy, leaving little skid marks on towels and nappies, and so I take her to the potty to see if she needs to release a poo, but all that follows are a few more farts...oh and maybe another up-chuck.

I'm feeling more clueless twelve days in than I did two days in. I'm still feeling blind to her cues. I don't know whether she's become more subtle or whether I've stopped paying the same level of attention I was previously. Probably the latter. I've had a couple of tired days where I've chosen to sleep through her squirming and now I'm worried that she has taken that to mean I'm not bothering with her elimination anymore so she's given up trying to communicate.

Yesterday I missed so many wees. There was an hour and half where she wee'd every ten or so minutes! And every time I'd think "well, I missed it, won't be any more for a while" and within minutes I'd be drenched again, and think "surely no more for a while!?" and I'd be surely wrong. Again I'm not listening to her or communicating with her, I'm following my preconceived notions and trying to make her fit into that *shakes head disapprovingly* And to really help me learn this lesson she has stopped always weeing immediately after waking up, just to keep me on my toes.

I think it might be a matter of patience. I'm probably expecting far too much far too soon of both of us, and so it feels more hopeless than it actually is. The novelty has worn off, so spending minutes holding her over the potty is wearing thin with me. And I am really fed up with misreading her cues.

I'm sick of waking up too late to catch the just woken up elimination. I'm sick of not being instinctive enough to just know when it's time and instead catching up-chuck or burps or feeding her instead and getting covered in wee. I think part of the reason I'm so down about it all today is because I missed two poos yesterday and one poo on Sunday and before that I went eight days without missing a poo. Poo was my thing! LOL. The worst of it was that yesterday I was holding her, looking at her and talking to her while I missed the poo, so I don't know how I missed her cue unless she didn't give one. I don't know what's worse; missing a cue or not getting one!

Trust, trust, trust. I've got to take my own advice and trust that we will get there, and once again try to relax and be patient with myself. Right now, though, I need some reinspiration

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